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Not to be whiny but it just saddens me whenever I see posts from Batch 2019 wherein they were being hyped up by the Dean as they review for the board exam. I know I should move on but I juuuuust can’t help but feel… jealous?
How does that feel?
How does it feel like not being looked down upon?
How does it feel like not being constantly reminded how lacking you are and doubt yourself if you are capable of taking the September boards every minute?
I can never forget the struggle and pain my batch (or I alone… but I doubt it’s just me) had to go through emotionally when it was us, reviewing last year. I mean who would forget that time when we were yelled at (and embarrassed) by her whilst those students who were reviewing for PAMET-PASMETH Quiz Show sat in our review classes? I remember her telling them to “"tell your batch mates to review harder as early as this day so as to not end up like this batch during board review”“. I can clearly remember when she told us how our batch is "just an average batch” so we had to triple our efforts. How many times we were reminded how excellent previous batches were compared to us? I lost count. Earlier during the review, she was so ecstatic claiming a Top 1 Performing School but during the latter months… she just “hoped and prayed for the best”. That’s how they just lost faith in our batch. We also received news from friends from other review centers how the Dean told everyone that no one would take the boards from TUA. Not sure how true though. When the results came out, they thought it was just “a strategy” to surprise everyone. Little did they know, she just doesn’t want anyone to expect so high from us and be disappointed in the end. Last but not the least, I will never forget that time when our Academic Head talked to us and cried, almost begging, just so some of us wouldn’t take the board exam because they don’t trust as fully.
But of course, maybe we were just really slow and average. Numbers don’t lie right? But I had to defend, we never lacked effort. We did the best we can do individually.
Taking into account the three important things the college was coincidentally facing when we took the boards. We had to garner 100% to:
1) Maintain the Level III PAASCU Accreditation.
2) Maintain the Masters in Medical Technology in TUA.
3) Maintain the International Clinical Internship Program.
Apparently, these are more important than our batch’s self-esteem and mental health… but that’s okay, it’s in the past already anyway meow. Everyone passed and we were blessed to be able to bag a Top 1 Performing School recognition… and they were suddenly proud ha ha (okay I know I know who wouldn’t?) but the emotional scars we got just to reach that??? it won’t go away. Very dramatic but it really won’t… at least for me.
They said we needed that much pressure for us to strive harder. “Pressure makes diamonds”, they said. Ha, look at me! Do I look like a diamond? I actually became a mess after I passed the boards and got my license. I suddenly didn’t know what to do with my life looool
Reviewing for boards while living alone? It’s no joke! I had no one to talk to. Remember the nights I had to cry and ask myself if I am worthy to take September boards, self? I literally almost didn’t because of the immense pressure I felt! There came a point where I already told my mother I’m not taking the boards and was ready to go back to Bicol had people from Student Affairs Center did not talk me out of it.
Nonetheless, my alma mater did not lack in honing our skills and further our theoretical strengths… they even went to greater extents just to ensure we know everything… to the point that it’s taking toll in our mental health. That’s what they lacked, is all I can say.
I’m not sure where this post is going. This is just me pouring what I feel.. in raw and at the spur of the moment. Probs like my version of “felt cute, might delete later”; mine would be “felt mad, might delete later”. I don’t know if I’m making any sense, I’m probably exaggerating and plainly whining but I really felt the need to vent. You wont probably understand anyway if you didn’t experience it yourself.
Anywayyyy, I’m hoping for the best to Batch 2019! Wouldn’t say anything that would pressure anyone because I know first hand, it won’t help but I hope and am praying y'all finish strong! Never let external voices get into you. Always remember that you are taking the boards for yourself… not for anyone or for anything. Everything else is just an incentive!
PS: we only had an In-House Review.
Is it mandatory to flood someone’s dash with horror pictures IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT FOR CHRIST SAKE!?
It sucks when no one in this house cares about my medical stability. It’s hard to fight a certain disease when you don’t even know what disease to fight. I’ve been in this condition for 2 years now and I’m asking them for me to ask for professional medical help but they were just telling me that ‘twas just a simple chest pain.
Yeah right … simple chest pain for 2 years. Nice prognosis huh.
Where’s fairness in this house? Why is it whenever my elder sister’s head aches because of oversleeping, my mom’s on the rescue instantly? Why is it whenever my younger sister has colds, everyone’s having commotion even my nurse aunts and grandmothers? I got colds and headaches too but they never did those things to me. Google is my nurse no joke. They always see me creased on my bed like a crumpled paper because my chest hurts but they didn’t even bother asking me what am I doing or how am I feeling. But to them, they were acting as if it will lead to my sisters’ death. It was just a goddamn headache and colds I know this is just a chest pain but dammit! I won’t clamor for attention if I know and I feel that this is just a chest pain. I’m so immuned with my invisibility here and I won’t waste my time just to do something that will make me look like I’m craving for your goddamn attention.
The pain of the tight squeezing sensation won’t hurt me … it’s the pain of their lack of care for me that will bring me to death.
That supercalifragilisticexpialidocious upsetting slash heartbreaking slash infuriating feels when someone you have treated as a friend for donkey’s years doesn’t value and appreciate the friendship you gave and you’re giving him continually. That he can easily utter “wala akong kaibigan” with full conviction like you didn’t helped him feel at ease during his heartaches and pitfalls; like you aren’t his “number one fan, supporter and cheerer” every time he has contests and pageants; like you didn’t made him laugh with your jokes, stupidity and shits; like you aren’t his dorky-looking fat-ass-ed photographer during fun shoots; like you never existed in his world even once - that right from the start, he never treated you as a friend … Wow, just wow!
Someone asked me:
“Bookworm ka pala? Bat parang di naman kami aware dun nung nasa Lourdes ka pa?"
It kinda hit a nerve, seriously. Knowing that it came from my former schoolmate whoever this one might be.
May I ask you … Is it really necessary to tell everyone that you’re a bookworm? I’m not aware that there’s this kind of rule that in order to be known as a bookworm, you need to tell everyone that you are bookworm. This is very ridiculous. I’m into reading books novels since First Year high school and swear to God, I don’t really care if someone’s aware of that. I don’t bother asking some of my classmates if they read too or open the topic about my bookwormi-ty because it’s not a big deal honestly … well, ‘twas during those times lang kasi ngayon kailangan pa palang ipagkalat na bookworm ka lol. This the funniest thing I’d ever heard.
So tell me, do I really need to say ”Hey I’m Danah, I’m a bookworm how about you?“, whenever I do self-introductions? Silly! You don’t need to broadcast it to the whole wide web because firstly, you read for yourself not for others. Second, it doesn’t make you a bookworm actually and third, that’s bullshit. I know reading books or being a bookworm is the next cool trend nowadays and it really ruins the essence of being a bookworm. I know you won’t understand what I’m talking about because we have different kinds of perspectives but this is a statement from someone who undergone some sorts of bullying for being a bookworm and now, some people only read just for them to have something to brag? That they read because their idol is a bookworm? That they read because they want to be cool? That they only read for them to have something to post or to say? Nakakalungkot. I know naman the feeling of being proud of what you’re reading, that you want to share to others those feels that a certain book gave you but you can distinguish those person who posts something that aspires to brag and doesn’t have the "pure” motive of being a part of the bookworm society. I am by no means an ideal kind of bookworm but I am really not that type of someone who reads for the pleasure of others.
And please, before deciding to read, make sure you’ll understand what you are reading. Basa ka ng basa, wala ka namang naiintindihan, nagsasayang ka lang ng oras … naghugas ka nalang sana ng pinggan.
I’m not discouraging you to read because reading a book is one of those pleasure-giving things in this world but please, read because you really want to read not because you want to be in. There’s a huge difference between the two please figure it out.
Just because someone doesn’t react after you call them “fat” it doesn’t mean they do liked it. Often times, we choose not to speak back not because we can’t deny we’re fat but because we don’t want things to get worse. I know you don’t mean it and you’re just kind of joking but just to let you know my friend, that joke is not even funny. You don’t even know the story how that someone get that fat I mean not everyone gets fat because of too much eating just so you know, others get fat because of a serious medical condition and you just mock there like you are not hurting others’ feeling c'mon you giddy pester, be careful not to push the button. Do you even think and care if we get hurt? Obviously not. What if you are in my situation, you are the one to tease and I’m goin’ to use your depleted brain and low-slung level of thinking, will you feel happy? Of course not so please, if you have nothing to use as a tool for joking, don’t use my size. It’s not really the thing to make fun of.
I bet, we bloggers know this Tumblr Golden Rule right? and this is effin’ crucial, necessary and imperative but there’s this solitary blogger whom I know and we evenhanded know each others personally but we aren’t close and we never had a fair interaction who blabs my posts to her sister who happens to be my classmate like what the actual fuck? I thought each and every blogger were oriented about this rule then what the hell is she doing? I never had told anyone about what she posts and I will never do that to her or to anyone because I seldom reads her blog but why? Tumblr is an escape right so tell me, how can I breakout if someone’s chasing me? This is very annoying. Really, really annoying. To curse it, damn it!
Badly needs new eye frames; too lazy to go to my opt.
Acutely needs braces re-installment because of lockjaw threat, still, too lazy to go to my dentist.
Is there any doctor that can treat my sluggishness? If yes, then another set-up be like …
Seriously severely and critically needs laziness treatment; too lazy to get treated and visit the doctor.
Another brain fart made by the speaking ambitious doctor hahaha thankyou for your continuous patronage x