Prescription of an Imminent M.D.

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1996 • Medical Technologist

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Di ko alam? Di pa ata enough na nag-vent na ako sa closest friends ko as well as my relatives. I needed to let all the feels out and I needed more catharsis. I thought baka sawa na sila that’s why I’m here… writing. Idk what for. Maybe to document my side and to remind myself, it wasn’t you.

I knew the moment I signed the deed of sale, my life on the road will always be on the line. ‘Di ko lang inexpect na mararanasan ko talaga siya especially I am very mabagal and follows traffic rules diligently sa takot na maaksidente.

Only went out to go to the grocery, ayun nalipasan pa tuloy ako ng gutom cHAROT ¼

Until now, nanginginig pa rin kamay ko? Grabe.

Story time

Bago pa ako makarating sa centro, may jeep na akong nakasalubong na nag-oovertake at inaagaw na lane ko. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, “wow ako pa mag-aadjust” kasi ako na gumilid sa lane ko hahahahaha joked to one of my friends na intro lang pala yung jeep, maaaksidente pala talaga ako today. 😅

Ang bilis ng pangyayari. Alam ko lang I was decelerating kasi 3 nalang until the green light turns to yellow then red when I was approaching the area. It’s my rule to stop as early as 5 sa countdown (wow) to avoid nga unexpected… stuff. It just so happened na nagkaabot kami coz he did an illegal U-turn.

I didn’t know what to do. I was internally panicking! Gladly, three tricycles away from me andoon yung uncle ko na tricycle driver. If not, I wouldn’t know what to do. Baka inako ko din yung accident? Also thankful for the bystanders who kept on telling me na it’s not my fault and taught me what to do like taking pictures of the scene in all angles possible. Also to those who defended us sa righteous vehicle owners who keep on asking na alisin na daw coz nakaharang sa daan and said it needs to be documented by the police as it is.

The HPG came and brought us sa station. Shet, my first time. They asked for our licenses as well as the OR/CR. We went to the hospital (I work at yikes) for the medical. I was lowkey embarassed coz I felt like I did something wrong coz I was riding the mobile 😅. Everyone I know who saw me kept on asking what happened and kung may duty daw ba ako. This happened around 11am and I was supposedly on duty by 3pm but I told my boss I couldn’t make it kasi di ko alam kung gaano katagal ang process. Thanks to my fats who served as cushion, I didn’t get grave injuries. I only??? hurt my left leg na siyang tumama sa side car ng tricycle which is also why I can’t go to work coz the doctor told me I shouldn’t walk my foot much which is not possible kasi as a medtech, I do wardings so I can’t NOT move my feet. Anyways, we went back to the station and proceeded with the blotter.

We agreed na he’s only gonna pay for the damages. I waived the medical part coz para sakin, yun nalang tulong ko and I can just have it shouldered either by my employer or myself. Nobody wanted this to happen naman so ayon. I also thought baka I was at fault din kasi di ko siya nakita. Tsaka it’s only recently when tricycles started operating so I tried to consider as I really didn’t want to burden him more during these trying times. But when we went out of the station, he was talking with someone sa phone and I overheard him saying ako daw nakabangga sakanya which is totally the opposite!!! I was mad! I went easy to him only to be painted as the offender? I was close to letting him go kasi my motorcycle has insurance naman and ayoko na makadagdag pero I got annoyed when I heard it. His tone was very condescending like pinapamukha pa nya sa kausap nya na siya dehado?! He was unapologetic at all! He was “okay po” when we were in the station but when we went out, he kept on insisting I was the wrong one! That’s why I went through with what the police and my relatives insist na he pay right there and then.

Di ko lang matanggap his defense na I was speeding. I got (lowkey) insulted just recently when my highschool friend told me ang bagal ko daw magpatakbo because 40 lang… I only drive ng 30 especially in key roads kaya ano pinagsasabi niya. Also I don’t beat the red light. 🥴

He also said he didn’t know you should U-turn few more meters away from the No U-turn sign. He said doon daw talaga ang U-turn right after a No U-turn sign… I asked him if he knew how to read the lines sa road and he doesn’t know. The heck? To think he’s a Professional Driver license holder and I’m just… Non-Pro??? Scary.

I felt lowkey bad coz I have two cops na relative who assisted me. Baka he felt like I have the “upperhand”. Baka isa pa yun sa rason niya when he cover himself up if magkwento siya sa iba. Pero I’m thankful because I really didn’t know what to do. Everyone who can go literally went to assist me. 👉👈 You’ll never read this pero thank you, Papa, Uncle Bon and Tiyo Polong. The two HPG who responded. Thank you, Ms. Neil Vila for sending me voice chats about everything I needed to know about the insurance. Jaymar and Ryan for listening to my rants. My workmates and my supposedly partner on tonight’s 16hrs duty who asked about my condition and understood. My boss who told me to go to work nalang anytime I felt like going. Lastly, to my mother’s friends who helped kahit na wala sila sa scene contacting numerous people pati na rin ang Municipal Administrator who got worried daw. Wow, I feel relevant.

Sorry Perrie, my motorcycle, nabinyagan ka tuloy. First birthday mo pa naman nung 10. I’m sorry!

You’ll never know talaga. Super amazed to those whose job is to be on the road for hours on a daily.

It’s not enough pala talaga na nag-iingat ka 'coz if barumbado kasama mo sa daan, wala rin.

Friendly reminder to always be alert!

June 25, 2020| 3 Notes

People seem to keep on asking if I still want to pursue medicine.

To be honest, I want to. But I don’t want my parents to pay for my studies anymore. Working myself made me realize earning money is no joke. We are not as well of as my parents try to provide us. Until now, I can’t believe how they were able to send me to school— not just any school but a private and one of the top medical technology schools in the country. (Yes, free promo) I’m so thankful to have been given the chance to experience studying without thinking of anything but acads.

Also, I have a younger sibling and a niece. I feel like I’m robbing them opportunities if I ever insist on having my parents make my dreams come true. All our money will be spent on me again. I don’t want that.

Parang ayoko na ulit mag-isa. That’s one of the reasons I always tell people. It’s true though. I can’t believe I was able to live alone for five years (MTLE review included). Being back here in our province makes it hard for me to even think of being away again for several years just to study. I just got back, imagine the days and moments I could’ve spent with my family if I’ll be away again… the thought alone makes me sad. With the recent events, I’m even more convinced to just stay. At least if I were to die, I’m with my family.

Can I handle all the info? Kaya ba ng megabyte brain ko ang terabyte info ng medskul? I’m scared I’d lose hope in the middle of being in it. This was what I realized when I reached the clinical year during undergrad years. The clinical subjects in medical technology were enough to overwhelm me, how much more sa medicine?

Lastly,

It’s hard being average. Too average to pass a scholarship with entry quota grades to maintain and too average earner to afford a regular medical school.

Must be nice to reach for your dreams without any problems, noh?

Anyways, if we’re lucky enough to survive this pandemic, I hope I get to chance upon an opportunity to realize this seemingly-impossible dream. #Hwaiting!

June 02, 2020| 6 Notes

I was a COVID19 Warrior

Dear future self,,,

That’s probably one of the Tumblr mainstream from years ago that I lowkey regret not doing.

Five years from now, I hope you finally achieve what you’re dreaming of.

I remember reading posts from other people with such hopeful words from their then present selves for their future selves.

Do you enjoy what you have now? Imagine, you were just dreaming of it years ago and now you’re here.

I probably might have written something that goes along those lines.

Must have been nice to read a letter from your younger self. I wonder what would I have written if I jumped into the mainstream? With my obnoxious big words to assert my then “lexical prowess”, I’m hundred percent sure I’m having a cringe fest right now.

On the contrary, it feels scary to be hit with the reality of how much your hopes for the future differ from the future. But I also wonder how it must have been to be able to differentiate your past, present and future point-of-views.

I never thought I’d regret something so trivial.

And because of that, I’m here writing for my future self.

DEAR FUTURE SELF,

I’m not sure what year you’ll be reading this but I hope that five years from now, you are different from what you are at present. I hope you’re finally able to find your purpose in life. I hope you’re able to get past all your inhibitions from doing better.

I hope five years is enough for you to find out what you truly wanted in life. And I hope life and time allowed you to do it.

Most importantly, I hope you finally realize that your existence matters. You were born with a purpose. You are not just a speck of dust.

To be honest, I’m not really sure what I meant by writing this letter. Was it because I wanted to validate your existence or I just wanted to rant about all the shit that’s happening around me and make this letter a proof that I was able to get through all of these if I get the chance to read this years from now? ~~Probably the latter~~.

Nonetheless, everything we do and everything we own will eventually become artifacts in the future. This could also be one of the things the future could retrieve. I’m writing without a specific point. I’m sure this would sound like a diary entry. A Diary of A Young Healthcare Worker, am I getting copyrighted for that title?

///

You see, if I’ve written something like this five years ago when I was still a hopeful undergraduate dreaming of becoming a medical technologist… I would never imagine my current situation. Being in a pandemic as a fresh and young professional; idk, it feels unfair to me.

Did I really burn the midnight oil to become a sacrificial lamb?

Did I have to go through countless breakdown alone just to helplessly beat an invisible bug without any armor?

Did my parents really spent hundreds of thousands for my education just to become a slave of the health sector?

Was being called a modern day hero after dying because of a poor healthcare system worth it?

Was my life being at stake on a daily worth the struggle?

It took me long to finally own up being a “frontliner”. During the early part of the pandemic, I was never truly able to accept the title. It felt like an insult to those who are really in the front line if I call myself that. I used to joke I was just a “loob-liner” because I was just inside the Blood Bank. Not really a part of a Swab Team nor any COVID19 Response Team unlike some of my batchmates. I was scared. I never had the guts to volunteer. I’m not a frontliner.

I always felt the need to ask validation from my friends. I always ask if it’s okay that I don’t feel like fighting for the country. I always ask if they still accept me even if I turn against my oath.

You see, I feel like working in a government hospital in the province isn’t an ideal start for a budding professional. I was exposed to the crooked healthcare system of the country at an early time. My ideals became just ideals. Everything I expected turned into just expectations. Everything I learned in the four corners of the classroom turned into just theories. Maybe my workmates were right, I should’ve went to work in diagnostic clinics first before working in a hospital.

I was exploited as a starting professional. My four years in Medical Technology school didn’t prepare me for this.

Putting my cowardice aside, I feel like my current situation is the reason why I’m so afraid of fighting for the country. My hopeful undergrad self would have rolled her eyes on me if she’d see me right now. But then again, fighting for the country when the country doesn’t care for you is easier said than done.

I’m currently a job order employee. No hazard pay until the pandemic. No night differential even though we are full on 16 to 24 hours duties. My employer doesn’t pay for my PhilHealth nor SSS. We even have to beg for our employer to give us personal protective equipments. Our salary doesn’t have a fixed date of release. We should be thankful should it be released a week after the month of service. It’s normally delayed as long as three months before the pandemic happened.

I was never bothered by the virus because “I only work in the blood bank” no biggie… not until the hospital I work at became the ground zero in my province. No one told us. We only knew someone who should be classified as “probable” first was admitted in our hospital through social media and it was when the patient was already classified as “confirmed”. The local government likes to conceal confirmed cases. I don’t know what good will it bring to everyone though.

I originally never wanted to practice this profession, self. You know because of my internship trauma as well as my infamous phobia with needles. Just as when I was able to overcome it, this pandemic happened. I have never been so scared to go to work. It doesn’t really show on the outside but I’m really scared. Scared that everything that my parents worked so hard for would be put to waste once I contract the virus at work. Not just that, I might bring it with me at home… putting other people at stake.

It scary how there’s no assurance for my future at the moment. I was just starting!!! I was only working for a year! I was only eight months through with my St. Peter plan. I have yet to get life insurance plans for myself and my family.

I am now questioning myself for choosing my convenience over a better employer. Should I have endured being away from my family for a better employment? Had I known a pandemic would be a battle of who’s the better employer, I would’ve set aside my internship trauma for a better employer. The thought makes me sick though.

It’s scary how I am almost nonchalant about dying. I have reached this point that I don’t bother thinking about my future anymore. This is actually the first time I thought of the future in weeks. It’s scary how I always agonize about how we would die because we will one way or another. It’s only a matter of time until the system kills us before the virus can.

I’m frustrated because I only go to work for the sake of salary. But I also swear, I do things with integrity. That’s the least I can do. Due to the community quarantine, we are quite financially struggling. My mother being a government employee and my father, an overseas filipino worker plus me being a “government worker” as well automatically voided us of any financial help from the government. It’s fine for me because there are people who need it more than us but my blood boils whenever I see news of those being robbed of this help because of local officials’ greed. Do we deserve this?

Pro Deo et Patria.

For God and Country.

I used to use this as my email signature as well as work mantra.

Is it still worth it?

I don’t know who’s the real enemy anymore. The pandemic has exposed how broken our system and government is that we, the minority in government service has been seeing on a daily even before the pandemic made the exposé.

Are we going to get through this?

Am I still going to read this letter few years from now?

I’m tired.

Everyone’s tired.

The world is so crazy right now.

Fighting for life, I was a COVID19 Warrior.

Five years from now,

Was everything worth it, future self? Did I make it?

Did we make it?

May 31, 2020| 5 Notes

Code Blue

I’ve seen several patients being coded during internship… it was a painful sight indeed but seeing a patient in a public hospital helplessly die without the same medical care as those I’ve seen as an intern was 10x worse.

I was walking back to my station after chasing a relative who left before I could give her the clearance she needed to discharge her patient when I walked past the Medical Ward where there’s a commotion; a patient apparently is having arrest. I stood still, thinking “This is real life. I am not watching some medical drama”. I stood there doing nothing because 1) I don’t have the authority 2) I don’t know what to do. It pains me how even after coming in terms with the reality, I still defeatedly question and bawl how unfair it is that even in the last few minutes of your life, you can still feel your social class and leave the Earth as your social class. It’s unfair how despite the advent of medical technology and several advancements in the field of medicine, only a small fraction of the human race can fully benefit from it. It angers me even more how some healthcare professionals can even lower their standard of practice just because this is a public hospital. How can you possibly resuscitate a patient with one fist??? Really??? Did that nurse even undergone a Basic Life Support Training??? As someone who took the training myself, I can’t believe with what I just saw!!! It’s as if they just left him as is and the resuscitation was only done as a form of formality. Do we really have to come to this point when we are already working long enough???

It’s sad that I had to turn and move back to my station with the thoughts of the man who lied helplessly along the Medical Ward alley, not even in a hospital room and a proper hospital bed but a cot along the hallway, his right hand I couldn’t forget clutching his shirt on his chest has now left us and joined our Creator.

Right now, I’m back in my station writing this very blog post… wondering when will the Philippine Healthcare System would ever improve and finally cater those who can’t afford quality medical services you can probably only acquire in private hospitals at present. I hope time will come that the government would finally realize just how important healthcare is above all for them to invest more into it than focusing on some shit poor-oppressing battle you call “drug war”. Praying that the government would finally hear the cries of poorly-compensated health care workers so that we can restore and establish a proper and efficient healthcare worker to patient ratio… so that healthcare workers would never have to leave the country in order to sustain their lives. I believe in the saying “if oras na nila, oras na nila” but I also want to believe that if only the patient would be given the proper medical care his condition requires, then what we thought “it’s their time” could be not yet their time. I sound really hopeful, maybe ludicrously ambitious even but I really do think it’s possible.

For now, I’ll just do my thing and pour my all whenever I perform my tasks. Not even faltering with the fact that “I’m only working in a public facility”… that’s more of a reason for me to provide the best that I could, the least that I could offer to the people who receive the least in this field… even if I (over)do it by the book or by JCI standards (to the very best that I know of) as how my alma mater and internship trained me to be. Not ever giving in to “pwede na yan”.

// This, is one of the many reasons why I doubt if I ever were meant to even become a doctor. I’m such a weak-hearted, idealistic, almost delusional and opinionated myself. Hayyy Lord, is this really the field you wanted me in?

February 25, 2019| 5 Notes

First Week as a Medical Technologist!

I remember writing on my last post that “I don’t have the spirit to find a job yet” but two days after that very post, I landed a job… in a freaking public hospital!!! Yep, can’t believe it myself either.

It honestly still hasn’t sank in because it all happened too fast??!!! I’M NOT EVEN EMOTIONALLY PREPARED TO WORK YET!!!! I’m not even 100% sure that I’m going to practice the profession but surprise surprise! I remember only getting up in the morning (which I usually don’t because I always wake up at lunch unless my niece has school affair) to submit my PDS in a local hospital then the next thing I knew, I was already signing a contract and getting my biometrics!!! I thought there’s still a long process and all that but it all happened in a flash!?

I was assigned in the Blood Station Facility of our Provincial Hospital. So far, I’m getting the hang of our work flow. My seniors were nice enough to teach me everything I need to know and actually left every crossmatching during my shifts to me for almost a week which I am thankful and afraid of at the same time. I am a self-proclaimed loser in phlebotomy due to my infamous phobia in needles (yup, ironically) and I was never even able to develop the “skills” during internship since I had it in two private hospitals that’s why I’m really scared and nervous whenever I was told to ward and extract. So far, I only had 2 failed extractions (endorsement) because the first patient’s vein collapsed, ‘di ko na nahabol which I thought was QNS (which later on I learned that okay lang pala huhu sayang) while the other one was a diabetic whose veins I couldn’t palpate #defensive. But I was also shocked and glad to have heard/ been told as a “sharp shooter” by a patient and her relative. Me??? A sharp shooter??? Over my shaking hands looooooool nope. It’s so funny that I developed the habit of praying “sana madali lang ang vein” whenever I receive blood requests. It’s still a looooooooong way to go for me in phlebotomy and I’m praying I’ll get over my fear of needles soon and extract like a pro.

I’m still as anxious as I am the first day because I am very aware of the fact that just one wrong drop of mine, I can kill a patient… and automatically lose my license. I always make sure to ask for guidance whenever my shift starts because that’s the only protection that I can get against all possible mishaps ~~and my innate stupidity~~. I’m still really slow whenever I do crossmatching. I only do it per patient because I can’t risk doing it simultaneously with other patients because I may or may not confuse one from another. I tried once to do three crossmatching all at the same time and copy the way my senior labels and I seriously (lowkey) got confused that’s why from then on, I decided to stick with the way staff from St. Luke’s label as I’ve seen during my internship. I also developed a habit of checking the units I crossmatched for the day in the Crossmatching Logbook as well as the Completed Transfusion Logbook the moment I enter the lab in my next shift to see if any transfusion reactions or problems had occurred in the units I’ve crossmatched lol.

Every day is a new learning experience for me! Really looking forward to learn more and hopefully fulfill my dream of being a person for others as Medical Technologist. I’m still not sure if this really is what’s meant for me but I’m really leaving everything to Him for his plans will always be the best.

Here’s my first ever crossmatching and signature as a Blood Bank Registered Medical Technologist!!!

February 22, 2019| 9 Notes

Internship kills dreams

I was never one of those kids whose wings were cut by their own parents before anyone else could. Mine never interfered with what career path I wanted to take and rather tirelessly supported me with big proud eyes which surely is something I am truly thankful for in this lifetime. Being a doctor has been a childhood dream and I have come in terms with its long process as early as Third Year High School. From then on, I already decided to take up Medical Technology as pre-medicine course which was also supported by my NCAE result.

The almost four and a half years I have dragged myself to school as an undergrad was a sweet memory; I experienced transferring schools because I felt like the former wasn’t doing the job properly and I wanted to be the best version of myself as a then future Medical Technologist which the latter did in all its effort and capabilities; I left the province, braved the big skirts of Metro Manila and lived alone for four years just to seek my great perhaps. For four years, I have yearned for the three letters to be mine and made it my motivation. I did what every dreamer had to do… strive hard to reach my dreams. Every day is a life lesson and the more I have progressed as a student, the more I wanted to reach the zenith. Come clinical year, my excitement to work in the lab grew four times than the “basal levels” and even led me to a decision to practice the profession first before continuing the ambitious dream that I have.

“This will soon be over.”

“ All of these will be worth it in the end.”

“Remember why you started.” are just some of the many words that comforted me and brought back whatever hope I have lost whenever faced with a downfall. Long story short, I ardently pursued for the R, M and T.

I got my diploma. I also got my license but why do I feel afraid to even step foot in the laboratory which I have long dreamed of to work in?

“Didn’t you have your internship at ***? Why don’t you apply and work there?”. Many times I have been asked. I didn’t need to think twice why I never wanted and intend to. It’s always clear and fresh to me; the wounds that having my internship there gave me.

“It’s such a good hospital, why must you let an opportunity pass?” I can only cringe. As if like a reflex, I would always answer, “It’s not what you think.”

If you ask me what I have truly learned during my *drumroll* 1-Year Internship, it is to be wary of people. If you ask me what skill I have developed, it is to shut my mouth and keep my confusion and questions to myself because you’ll only get ridiculed, more so, get a demerit. If you ask me what moral lesson I took out of it, it is to watch out and to fend for yourself.

I always have my eyes open to the fact that the world and its people is not pure and could be evil. I also know that the workforce is a competitive realm that ‘weaklings’ have no space in. But I never would’ve thought that I would get a taste of this bitter reality as early as the first day of internship and as if it’s not enough, throughout the entire year to conclude the supposed “on-the job training” with my dreams torn to pieces. There, of course, were good times and good people. I can never thank all of them for making the seemingly hell of a year bearable. But the bad seem to have overpowered the good ones that when weighed, the scale would fall to the side of the bad in a jiffy. It’s emotionally draining and petrifying that there came a point that the only thing that made me go to hospital duties is for it “to be over already”. Some did have similar experience as me and even tried to raise the matter but was dismissed and was told to just “let it slide”, “get used with it” and that it’s a “normal” thing in the lab. When I heard it, I was… scared? Isn’t internship a glimpse of the real thing? So does it mean, it’s what I were to face as I enter the profession? Do I also have to feel uneasy thinking what my colleagues talk behind me when I’m not around or be clueless about being roasted by someone who seems very friendly to me just how some of my then staff do to their colleagues? ~~I remember so many people~~.

It’s tragic that I would be told that “it’s human nature”, it’s “normal” and I can’t do anything about it. Let me ask… why must we normalize evil? Why must we conform to people doing us wrong? Why must we feel wronged when we only want to learn? This long-running superiority issue that creates an internal discrimination in the healthcare, when will this end? Why instead of telling people to “get used with it” why can’t you be kinder? be more understanding that you were also once a junior who knows nothing?

The emotional trauma of getting yelled at in front of people at 6 am for not knowing what to do and for asking ‘too many questions’ on your FIRST DAY and be sent out; the feeling of being wrongly endorsed as someone you are not because of your senior’s personal opinion about you which left me nothing but discomfort and could only wish the six months would fly by in a blink; the feeling of being blamed for something grave as not exactly getting a timed-blood collection when you are not even allowed to extract in the first place or even as ridiculous as forgetting to NOT say “po” which you have been grown used to as you age just because some higher-ups didn’t like being addressed as such and many more have scarred me that when I am asked to fill-out three job position preferences, working as a Medical Technologist in Pathology Laboratory would be on the third spot or even not included. At present, I am currently trying out other careers I could make out of being a Registered Medical Technologist because I was too scared yet to be a real “medtech”.

I know it’s not a guarantee that the same thing wouldn’t happen to the new career path I’m trying to steer. It could really be a “natural” thing in the workforce and that’s a sad reality I had to learn to gulp. But I am praying and hoping for the best that there’s more good than bad in this world. I don’t know how long the wounds would heal but I’m really wishing that there will come a time that I would fully get over my “fear” of the laboratory and revive my dream. And am praying harder that people would realize to think twice before doing things that may inadvertently internally crush someone. Also, I may have to use this time to reflect on myself and “be more mature and stronger” as some people say because maybe I am just weak-hearted who’s making a mountain out of a molehill. Apologies if these are all too natural for you. For me, it’s not. I can always shrug physical assault but emotional injuries drill holes deeper in the core. Of course, I can’t wait to get an opportunity to practice the profession I have ‘worked’ so hard for and be a nice senior to my juniors and interns so they won’t experience the same trauma I have long harbored which hindered me from taking a step forward this profession and hopefully prevent yet another dream to be killed.

You don’t have to argue with me if your internship experience was bomb and I sound ridiculous to you… that, I can only envy you.

December 15, 2018| 5 Notes

HELLO?

No, it’s not Adele. It’s me, Danah. The girl who’s so fond of writing lengthy but worthless life posts on the internet. Yep, me and I am back! Gosh, it’s been what? ALMOST FOUR STRAIGHT MONTHS OF BEING MIA? I CAN’T EVEN!!! I’d like to say sorry though because I became inactive without giving any notice and whatnot. I just went missing for months! I don’t even know if there’s still anyone reading this blog and anyone who still cares? Nonetheless, I AM BACK!

The reason behind my (sudden) evanescence is none other than acads. It’s been a tough semester for me, I’m not even kidding! Like what I’ve been always telling you guys before, I acquired the load and courses/subjects of a regular second year Medical Technology student and boy did I forget what is life. I had classes from Monday until Saturday and I wasn’t really prepared for that coz you know, I only had MTTHF sched for the previous semesters. The schedule tired me so much that I barely have time for myself; to rest and live normally. Sundays weren’t rest day at all because I had to utilize that day to do all the requirements for the upcoming week. Some of you might say I’m overreacting… that not only medtech students experience six-day classes. It’s true and I acknowledge that but I’m sorry, you just don’t understand. All those pre and post tests… two laboratory subjects twice a week… one body system per week… polsci recitations almost every meeting… H O W??? So, I was basically occupied. I thought I could make it… that I could still lend Tumblr some of my time but the plan worked in vain. I wasn’t able to find time to update and write posts. I barely used my laptop the entire sem, tbh. Whenever there’s paperworks did I only get this piece of technology out of my closet. Anyway, it’s already done and it’s sembreak already so let’s just move-on and forget all the heartaches because again, I am baaaaack!

Yes, you heard it right. We’re on our sembreak + Christmas break and our classes will resume on January 18th. It all went smooth though; no abrupt changes and all that jazz like last year’s academic calendar which caused some drama. I went home here in my hometown in Bicol and I’m almost a week here now. Like the boring little earthling that I am, nothing interesting ’s happening in my life at the moment (Oh, I forgot! I got to reunite with my bff last December 09) so I don’t know what to say anymore. Uhmmm, I’m actually very confused now as to what this blogpost will be all about.

Well, to add some sense in this blog post, here’s a wrap-up of my entire semester.

Warning: May contain lengthy whines and uhm–lengthy posts in general.

1. I’ve got 10 subjects (2 laboratory subjects) in total which sums to 27 units this semester.

Principles and Strategies of Teaching Health Education - I hate this subject so much. It’s so demanding but it’s only a minor subject! Personally, I think this subject is not even needed in this degree. I mean, we can all be great Medical Technologists without memorizing all the Theories of Teaching, Malcolm Knowles Theory of Adult Learning and the Bloom Taxonomy of Learning, can’t we? I think it’s better to have Technical Writing as a minor subject rather than having this. If some Medical Technologists ever want to be in the academe, they can just take methods, etc. Do not put the burden in the mass! Another thing I hate is our professor. She’s so—ugh! Sigurado na nya agad na may babagsak sa subject niya. Talo niya pa yung major subjects! She didn’t even teach a thing or two. Moving on, I’m actually kind of regretting because I underestimated this course and I didn’t give my best. Hell, I never did study for PSTHE. Not even once… well, except for my report. I’m not expecting a high grade in this subject but I hope it isn’t that bad.
Organic Chemistry - It wasn’t that that hard for me since I have a pretty strong Basic Chemistry foundation when I was in highschool. (Shoutout to Sir Syrom Miranda for our Intro to Chemistry and Sir Ian Olila for Advanced Chemistry) Don’t take me as a pro because seriously, I am not. I find the major examinations hard. I am very fond of our professor, Dr. Mina. Although it’s quite a nah since she’s the Dean of the College of Arts & Sciences which is the largest college in the entire university which in result, her busy schedule aka #deanlife kinda messes up with our classes, still I learned tons from her. I like her presence so much. She’s very intimidating, very professional-looking and you’re like going to voluntarily offer her respect but to be honest, she gives the crankiest jokes in town. I love everything we discussed about the Aromatic Compounds. For the laboratory, my favorite experiments were Boiling Point Determination, Aldehydes & Ketones and Urine Analysis. Another thing I love about this subject is that it gave me the power to recognize and appreciate things that common people can’t. I’m not expecting anything with this subject anymore. I gave up the Dean’s Lister dream because of my previous 84 chemistry grades.
PE103 Swimming - Cool. The water was cool. Kidding aside! This helped a lot. I am no longer afraid of the pool. I swear, I am a hundred percent confident I am not gonna be like a snail stuck at the side of the pool on our next picnic/ outing anymore. I’m a bit disappointed because we had a conflict with the schedule. We share the same sched with another section from AS and we can’t fit in the pool area so we had to make an every other week scheme. As a result, we only learned few things like the freestyle, floating and backstroke. I was expecting to learn the butterfly and dive though.
Introduction to Medical Transcription - One thing this subject taught me is that the foot pedals found in the computer laboratory of TUA are for Medical Technology students. I’ve been wondering what was the thing under the computer table during the course of my Basic Statistics laboratory class and voila, I got answers. Sadly, we weren’t able to use it. Thanks to non-medtech students for ruining it! Plus they’re already old daw. This subject was fun. We were tasked to fill-out/ answer FIB exercises. I would never forget FIB 6 though! I wasn’t able to fill-out most of its blanks because the dictator was so fast! For our Final exam, we were charged to finally transcribe what was being dictated to us. One specific direction that was told is to write the letter in block format. Most of my classmates didn’t know how the hell a block format should be done. I told you, we need Technical Writing more than PSTHE.
Life and Works of Rizal - Most of you know full-well how much I adore History so I think you know which was my favorite. The approach we used was critical and I like how we undressed Rizal. I like how I was given an eyesight to yet another side of Philippine History. Okay, I think I should stop like right here because my history-buff self is starting to open its mouth and we won’t want this post to be filled with history. I am honestly very nervous about my final grade. My final paper didn’t go very well. I only got 1.25 and I’m praying that it won’t affect my grade.
Health Economics - Not bad. The only downside of this were the surprise quizzes. You’d totes be surprised. We also had lots of no classes because of holidays and certain circumstances. I like Sir Raranggol. He’s so jolly, kind and very approachable.
Human Anatomy & Physiology - Well, shit. I swear, the 07:30 am WS schedule ruined it! Okay, I completely lost it here. I don’t know what to write anymore. This is a major shock to me. I wasn’t actually failing but I know, if this subject was assigned in a much conducive time/ schedule, I can do better than what I did. Our laboratory was a total nah and I think the almost 5k? laboratory fee should have a refund. Also, several holidays hit our schedule for this subject so the discrepancies of the quality education is visible in the naked eye. Anyhoo, I’m actually very thankful to God because I passed all three major exams here and I was given the pleasure to be a part of the Top 10 and Top 5 during exams. I hope I’ll pass the Finals tho.
Political Science - Okay I lied a little. Rizal wasn’t my favorite. I believe it’s polsci that I am eyeing as my favorite subject this semester. BEST PROF EVER! Sir Bon knows how to catch you and drag you into listening. Plus, this subject ignites my inner lawyer-wannabe self at some point. I learned a lot. I like how Sir Bon only taught us things we needed in life. Ugh, he is basically a life peg and he’s an epitome of success. On a lighter note, one thing I hate is the memorizing. I suck at memorization. I lost it at the Bill of Rights. To end this cluster, here’s me and Sir Bon.

2. Soooo I kinda had a new crush and newsflash he’s a guy. He’s quite a chemlord and goddamnit, some of his characteristics resembles that of Harry’s. He ’s got those smoldering eyes and dimples and oh my gosh I swear I’d go straight for him. One time during our Organic Chemistry class, we had a boys vs. girls games and he was the one to represent the boys for that number/ level. Ayra literally pushed me to stand and be his opponent. I don’t know how I agreed but I just found myself standing in front. I was SO NERVOUS that I forgot to do what I am doing. The question was so easy if I am on my right state of mind I mean who can’t answer the IUPAC name of Vinyl Chloride anyways??? I was able to write the structure but my mind seem to shut down right on cue. I’ll bring the shame of not being able to name Chloro Ethane to my grave. Anyhoo, I hope this “crush” would fade away soon because he’s younger and I don’t want to give him the yucky feeling of having an older admirer?

3. We had our Mid-Year CMT Symposium few weeks back and the Guest Speaker was an alumnus of our university and he’s the Chairman of American Society of Clinical Pathologists. He introduced us stuff and as soon as I went home, I grab the chance to open new doors for opportunities. I am now an ASCP International Lab Student Member and I’m really honored to be a part of their dynamic team. I’m really looking forward to this endeavor not only for the goodness of myself but to be in service and goodness of the greater mass.

4. I made friends! It still shocks me up until this point that I managed to build friendships for a couple of months. I can’t remember when, why and how… we just clicked? I remember being anxious about being in a block section but they all seemed to thaw those anxieties away. I’d like to take this moment to thank all these amazing people who made this semester wonderful. It wouldn’t be as jovial as what it is if it wasn’t because of you all.

Ate Maricor, thank you for being the best ate! I’ll miss all the selfie moments, your cuteness and everything— not to mention your house lol we may not be blockmates, seatmates or department-mates anymore but you will always be our ate. Hope to see you around the university!

Irish, thank you for being my buddy in E.Rod. I’ll miss walking you up to your dorm every afternoon and eating in KFC with you. I hope we can still do the same old rituals next sem even if we’re no longer blockmates.

Ayra, what do you mean? Haha just kidding! Thank you. You were the first person I bumped with this semester. Who would’ve thought we would be friends like what do you mean? hahahaha thank you for your undying sweetness.

Ana, aaahhh best seatmate ever! I’ll miss all the 1D (but mostly Harry), Troye Sivan and everything fangirling talks we do. It’s so nice to finally meet someone who’s got the same addiction—interest as mine. I was truly amazed how you still managed to stick with me and not judge me despite my sexuality loool I hope we could get past Sir Mark and be blockmates next sem!

Apple, we don’t have pictures together :–( Anyway, thank you for initiating a conversation with me during our anatomy first day. Thank you for always being so nice and for extending your hands to those who are in need especially in the laboratory manual. Thanks for all the trivia and practical exam tips you always give. See you around and please lessen your caffeine intake?

Mitzi, thanks for being my buddy in PE. I knew we would be friends the minute you walked in on our first day. Come to think of it, it’s like destiny pulled us together. You were friends with Ayra and I am too before we even know it. Thanks for all the jokes you brought all the way from Taguig to E.Rod. Keep dreamin and barkin!

Hannah, ice ice baby. Thank you for being one of my friends and my best friend in Snapchat, if that makes sense. Let me tell you how much I appreciate every load you wasted from texting me without even knowing I am using Smart whilst you are a Globe user. That’s… wow fantastic baby.

Ate Sarah, we haven’t done crazy things together except Irish’s surprise birthday so I don’t have much to say yet. Hugot Haven wouldn’t be complete without you. Thank you for accepting me— us despite our crankiness.

I was so used with being alone but I’ve grown quite dependent with your company guys in a matter of four months. I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to stand alone if you’re not all by my side next sem. But hehe just kidding. I’m a very independent woman, right right. I can do this… or not. *cries because our memories together will haunt me*

That’s it! It has been a wonderful semester and I’m really looking forward to whatever I’m to conquer next semester. The release of grades will be tomorrow, December 14 and I’m really anxious about my grades. I hope I won’t have a failing grade and I hope I’ll pass all subjects.

In case you’re wondering, that’s my laptop up there and no, it’s not some sort of a case. It’s just decals/ stickers I found at NBS. I have an all black laptop so it was really complementary. I actually had it last year and the sticker already turned one.

Thank you so much for reading. Advanced Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! ❤

December 13, 2015| 13 Notes

15 days more and I’m leaving again. Honestly though, it doesn’t feel like three months at all. Gosh, I didn’t do anything sensible! All I did was sleep, read and eat … that surely didn’t make me a better earthling. I’m so disappointed because everything didn’t go according to what I thought things would turn. I can’t believe I let three months slip that easily. I thought I’d be able to divide my summer vacation/ time properly — equally distributed to advanced reading, losing pounds, thinning my huge TBR pile, fangirling, blogging and my responsibilities in this house. Well, as it seems, I only succeeded in the fangirling area … completely ignoring other agenda. Oh the things reading Harry Styles fanfictions can do lol.

I’m still not over with the fact that I didn’t get to Dean’s List. I’m almost there though. Just one point away. Thanks to Chemistry, I failed. My mom told me not to get too upset about my 2.25 because it’s not a failing grade but I can’t. For me, it’s as if my 84 is a freaking singko. Oh good heavens. Why can’t I be as intelligent as my mom? :(
Well, I actually got to do something productive after all. I LEARNED HOW TO COOK!!! Well for starters, to fry. My first experience was to fry fries. It’s cool though. Very very cool. That was my first time to be in the kitchen… not waiting for the time the food will be done but to cook. To be completely honest with you guys, I do not know how to cook rice… not until this vacation. It’s disgusting because I only knew how to cook edible rice at the age 19. I am happy as well because I finally did it. After learning how to fry, I found myself enjoying it like you can’t see me not frying at least twice a week. I always volunteer to do the frying because it makes me feel like a master chef. At least, that’s what I thought.
Did I already mention that I painted my room pink? Well it looks dashing. I still have my white walls tho. I only painted the bed frame, the closet and my study. Unlike before, it looks like the room has a life. I also made a little fandom wall right under my overhead bookshelf. I hope to Harry Styles, my niece wont lay a single finger on it when I leave for school.
I always thought it’s necessary to at least have a minimum of 5 people with you when going to a carnival to assure fun but I proved myself wrong. I went there with Marichris and Karl (plus Fermo) and we freaking squealed our lungs out out of fun. Then, I went there with my bestfriend Jaymar. I thought it would be boring considering our number but being the amazing us, we found fun in a hopeless place (whuut). Dude, that Ferris Wheel and Viking rides took my soul and made me realize that the Physics lessons I had back then were all real. Indeed, quality over quantity.
To my dismay, I haven’t even made it to the half of my TBR pile. Spent most of my time reading Harry fanfictions. I think I finished 30 fics already. Insane but huh, can’t help it :(
Clearly, I am not very updated with trends or new stuff so when my bestfriend mentioned something about a song Flashlight, I do not have a single idea about what the fuck he’s saying. Days after that, I decided to search for it. So I did and I listened to it. That’s when I realized my friend here, got some good jams. Damn did it sound so good! It feels like it was written for me. Whenever I listen to it, it’s like I’m brought to my dark days again. I can’t believe it’s been ages since I’ve been in it. As I hark back, I realize that I’m almost three years clean and that’s just, wow! Every word struck me right in the feels. Only that, I do not know who was my flashlight back then who lit my world to see the sweet life. Anyway, this song’s perfect. Really. Thanks for introducing this to me, sizzums!
So we went to Kuya Harold’s Recognition last week and that was one happy moment. I was able to watch a Civic Military Parade again, or at least something like that. I dunno how’s it called during that sort of ceremony though. I’m so happy for him because he finally reached his dreams. Honestly, I’m not really included in the plan. My father just asked me half-joking if I wanted to come, an hour before we left. I don’t have anything to do and I really want to be there at one of my cousin’s milestones so I said yes. Besides, it’s been ages since I went to Legazpi. It’s time to pay some visit tho. Like what I said, I wasn’t part of the plan. I hope me wearing a jersey at a formal ceremony is enough to explain my case of being ‘ just an excess baggage’. (And nope, that’s not mom and dad)
Last July 12, my niece celebrated her 3rd birthday. Since she didn’t have a nice celebration last year because me and mom left Bicol because around that time was the start of my classes so I made sure this year, she’ll have a good one. I took care of the cake and the balloons. Yes, I know. I’m such an amazing aunt. I love her so much and I’m bound to spoil her until she grow up.
“Wag magsalita ng tapos”. Indeed, man, indeed. As what I’ve said few months back, I am limiting myself into liking no one from the band but Harry Styles. Only him — said that I have no plans on worshipping the entire band but lookie here … looks like the 1D fandom got another addition. But to make myself clear, I am nowhere as near as you, old 1D fans and I am not really claiming that/ like I know the lads like the back of my hands or like how you guys do. But I can catch up pretty well *grins like a Cheshire cat*. My family’s again, surprised because I introduced another boyfriend of mine to them. They all took it nicely and they were quite supportive. Knowing that their daughter fancies the world’s largest boyband, they seemed anxious and baffled with the expenses I am bound to have in the name of my love for Harry and the lads. They’re not very supportive with this matter, saying it’s a waste of money and all that jazz. I actually told them it’s about time to start saving up for their next concert here because the price ranges up and maybe over 20k and my mom sure gave a fit. I told her to calm down because that’ll surely happen years from now and no one’s stopping me this time.
Anyway, I actually enjoy doing the dishes now because of them. I tend to shut the world down by listening to three of their albums (Four, Take Me Home and Midnight Memories) whilst doing the godforsaken chore. They really have a nice music and I found my jam. Seriously though, if I was a fan during/since high school, as SGO President, there’s no way anyone can stop me from blasting every school occassion with 1D songs.
Recently, I’ve been telling my mom my interest about the exchange program thing and surprise, surprise! she hasn’t said anything that will oppose the whole idea… yet. I’ve been babbling about UCLA a lot and idk why. Yale and Brown Universities are my dream schools abroad so I don’t know why UCLA suddenly surfaced. Lol as if my brain can actually afford Ivy League hahahaha

While in the midst of my vacation, I started feeling the usual annoyance I felt when I was in highschool. You know, I was never a good and diligent daughter so I hate it whenever my mom calls for my precious name to do house chores. But instead of flipping (like I normally do), I savoured it. Because I know, I’ll miss it when I leave for school. Too much drama hahaha

I’m really nervous for school tho. I acquired a schedule of a regular student this semester and I really hate it. I hate it so much! If only there’s a possibility that I’d be an irreg forever, my sched wouldn’t be as shit as what I have right now.

I am so stoked for school but I don’t wanna leave my home… my family. ~~Even my bed here~~. It’s like I’m restarting again … like it’s my first time to leave for school. My father will leave as well on August 1^st. Sad but true, his vacation is shorter than me and that we need to wait for one year and a half to see him again.

That’s it, that’s it! I hope you guys are doing great and actually being so productive unlike me who’s been mopping over Harry Styles for three months now. xx

July 17, 2015| 17 Notes

19th BIRTHDAY APPRECIATION POST: things I got on my birthday.

Hello sunshines! Some of you didn’t know but I turned 19 last June 4th. I know, guys, I know. I am, by any means, don’t look like my age but really, I’m a 1996 baby. As you all know, I am not very fond of celebrating my birthday with grand gestures so it was just like another normal and boring day … not until my father arrived from Saudi!!! Imagine the joy I felt. It seems surreal because we became complete on my birthday! So there, we had a simple snack together with Auntie Baby’s family. Being the weird me, I spent most of my day in my room, decorating my fandom/ polaroid wall. Even until the time of our little family function, I was inside cutting wall sticker bling-blings as I call. The day went well. I received a handful of birthday greetings from Facebook and Twitter. Sadly, no one here on Tumblr remembered my day :(

I already expected that the day will pass by swiftly, like it’s not worth the spectacle. What I didn’t expect are the gifts I’d be receiving days after my birthday. This was rare, really. Because I am not the one who’s blessed to receive items during birthdays or any occasions (except if gift-giving is mandatory) so imagine my surprise. Not that I’m complaining tho hehe

New phone yay. I’m not really a gadget junkie so I don’t own any posh mobile unit that normal teenagers were obsessing with. I only have my for-texting-my-mom-and-emergency-messages-services-only phone (which was this small samsung phone) and an itouch to add some fun in my boring life. I never bothered my parents to buy me smartphones and if I do, mostly it’s just me joking around. I don’t think it’s quite a necessity so I never dared to insist. But this month, I was blessed to receive a phone bigger than the span of my hand. I’d be a hypocrite if I’d say no to this. Besides, it possess a nice camera so this would be of great use to me. Thank you so much, Papz for giving me this.
Sneakers. Tiyo Polong got this for me when I was in QC to enroll. He and my father had a meet-up there since he was there to review for the Bar Exams and my father attended some POEA matters. I am not the one to wear anything other than doll shoes so excuse my taste and my lack of knowledge about brands and anything in connection with this piece of footwear. I don’t even know if you normal people call this sneakers? It’s pink so …
Miracle. Indeed, man, indeed. My mom asked me what I want as a birthday gift and I answered her the most obvious thing in the world — BOOKS! But she dismissed it saying it’s a waste of money and I’m like my uncle who’s fond of filling the house with trash. ~~I love my mom but how dare she call my babies, trash?~~ So I gave up asking her to buy me books as a present. But one day few weeks ago, she gave me 1k for me to buy books saying it’s her gift to me. I was shocked, of course. Who would’ve thought my mom, who thinks buying books is a waste of resources, would give me mollah to buy the said lovely possessions? I instantly grabbed it, afraid of abrupt change of mind by the occasionally supportive mother. I got both Sen. Miriam, my idol’s books and The Maze Runner’s prequel because The Death Cure’s ending killed me seven times and I feel like I was left wandering in void.
For history buff & bookworm selves. It’s some kind of a complimentary book during the 100th year of Philippine Independence and a new reading lamp. I was really screaming internally because these are gems to me!!! They know how much I love history and reading so it’s really nice of them to consider giving me these. The book’s amazing and the lamp, damn it! Although it’s not pink, it’s okay because it has a dimming switch and it’s my first time to own a lamp designed like that. The lamps they usually buy me were the ones with push-buttons.
DJP Concert. Technically, this wasn’t a gift from anyone because I spent my money here but without my parents’ permission, this wouldn’t be possible. Rica and I lack preparation time so we ended up with our last resort which was to buy any ticket available on that same day. It was an epic experience and I might write a separate post about it to explain why it was epic. This experience was a hella good one so I’m thinking this was a gift from above.
Unexpected Letter. This was the first time that my mom gave me a letter. Although it’s not personalized like I always give her, it’s still a letter. She said she just saw this while running some errands and thought about me so she chose to buy it. She also said that she knows I am capable of appreciating letters compared to my elder sister so she gave it to me. The words weren’t that personal but I cried because I imagined it was my mother who wrote it. This was the second most precious thing I received on this year’s birthday.
Personalized. And these, are my gifts for myself. I designed it myself and I love how lovely it look on print. My mom opposed me on this because she hates my obsession with tshirts saying it’s not very decent to wear considering the fact that I am studying in the big skirts of Manila so I countered that “I went there to study, not to embrace the dressing-up culture of city people” and that I was born to wear personalized tshirts *laughs like a fcking lunatic*
Complete family. To top it all, having my family complete on my birthday was the best gift I got this year. No material thing could ever replace the joy it gave me.

Anyway, My Rhapopoy greeted me and I swear, my heart skipped beats!!! I did tweet him about my birthday but I didn’t expect him to compel. DM and tweet greeting … couldn’t ask for more! (~~can’t upload the screenshot tho. Idk why, it wont save whenever I try putting it here~~)

I want to thank God for giving me another year of being a loser. I’m glad everything’s going smooth. I hope He’ll guide me all throughout the year making the most out of my 19th without losing my pace to the path He wants me to trail on. Bigger age number means bigger responsibilities so I am asking for guidance and blessing. You gave me more than enough and I am very thankful.

That’s pretty much it. I hope you’re doing mighty fine. Thank you so much for reading. Au revoir!

June 27, 2015| 17 Notes

“Ang saklap siguro nun noh, na sa loob ng apat na taon mo sa college, wala ka man lang nabuong circle of friends”

“Mag-isa kang pupunta sa canteen, sa mga activity …”

“Ang saklap siguro maging loner … gaya niya”

These were the exact words I heard being discussed literally behind my back by some school mean girls wannabe who possess nothing but fake blondes and empty brains … girls who happened to be my former General Psychology classmates.

The moment they said those words, I was completely taken aback because it struck me right in the feels. I was offended. I was hurt. Don’t get me wrong, I am completely aware that I am a loner and I’m telling you, I’m a loner by choice but it hurts when people think that just because you’re alone, it’s as if you’re living your life in hell. It hurts when some people look at someone’s aloneness as a deficiency. I know for sure, it was me whom they were talking about because I’m the only loner in the line that time. I proved I was the hot issue when I was walking along the patio and one girl from that circle of friends called her friend then pointed at me and laughed as if I didn’t see them with my peripheral vision.

I, myself believe in the principle of not letting other people’s words come into your mind and ruin you. But everything has limits … including our feelings. No matter how tough you are, there will always be a part somewhere in your anatomy where your weakest point lies – where you are mostly vulnerable at that once jabbed and broken, you can’t control the outburst. And that’s when my numbness meter exceeded its limit; their words have filled my mind and I felt smaller, I felt insecure, I felt lonely and it feels like I was betrayed by my own life principle and became anxious if I am living my life incorrectly – that I was rather really a loser, like the way they look at me.

Just as when you thought you’re already sinking in the deepest of the Marianas Trench, a rescue team’s apparently up aboard ready to save you from drowning. In this case, these people are my rescue team.

Pau, Sonjul and Busra - Despite our differences, they still managed to put up with me and my grade-conscious-self. They treated me like I’m also a human – their never ending how are you? everytime we see each others around the campus, even it’s just a normal greeting, gave such huge warming in my heart. I don’t like attention but acknowledgement like this really makes me happy. Our group wouldn’t receive the Best in Baby Thesis Manuscript award if we weren’t us as a group. Although they didn’t do much in the writing, their support was like the ink of my pen. It was a section/block with some of the country’s showbiz personalities and models, for some wallflower like me, I would’ve melted for feeling small but Pau, Sonjul and Busra made me feel like I am not alone … that there’s no need to feel little because in reality, I’m far from that.
D – her real name is Danika but she introduced herself as D so bring it on! As an irregular student, I didn’t bother talking to other students because I just love being alone but she kept on talking to me and sooner, the walls I built was broken. She’s also a transferee so we both share the same feels … maybe that’s the reason why we clicked. In a classroom full of medtech students who seems “unreachable”, like what we both feel to our classmates … she also managed to make me feel like I am not alone. That we are both enclosed in the walls I supposed to build everytime. I wouldn’t forget the day when it was my report and she’s cheering me like she’s my bestfriend. I ‘awwwd’ a million of times because that was so touching and not a normal thing to happen to me.
Aileen, CJ, Ai and Maki – and these were the most awesome peeps I’ve ever met in TUA. Their personality were so genuine especially Aileen (or maybe because her name’s like my bestfriend’s? lol) but really, she’s the nicest. They were educ students and like what I told you guys before, I was enrolled in 1ED01 for three subjects so yeah. Never did I think of having friends in this block because first, I’m an irreg from the main campus and second, I’m not friendly. With them, I am slightly ME … I laugh hard, talk slightly too much and crack pranks and jokes with them which I don’t do in the other sections I’m enrolled to. Maki hugged me for a couple of times and although I feel awkward being hugged, it’s overwhelming because that’s a first. Seriously though, if I were to choose a set of classmates, I, without second thoughts, will choose them.

They are not my circle of friends but I want to thank them because somehow, they let me feel the joy of having someone’s company. They made me feel like once in my life, I wasn’t a loner … that I am capable of building connections with other people. They made me feel like I was really a “someone” not “something” which they can just use for personal intentions. My life lives an irony. I love being alone but I don’t want to feel alone.

Yes, I’m a loner and guess what, I’m proud of it. I don’t have a circle of friends and guess what, I’m proud of it. I’m proud because I stood on my own pair of feet. I’m proud because I finished this semester with nice grades all by myself. I’m proud because I didn’t have friends to ask for the answers in the homework. I’m proud because I didn’t have cheatbuddies. I’m so proud because I deserve the grades I received because it’s all me, myself and I who worked for it.

May 19, 2015| 8 Notes

L I F E L A T E L Y

Last March 10, we went to Brgy.Tatalon, to the adopted community of TUA College of Education for our NSTP. It’s one of a kind experience because I got to teach kids one-on-one. You know, I don’t really have the heart of teaching even though my mom is a teacher and I played like I was a teacher during childhood. It feels different to teach kids who are not related to me. I got to teach Alex and EJ. We taught them how to make picture frames out of popsicle sticks. At first, it was awkward especially with Alex since the girl is as wallflower as I am. But at the latter part, she became participative and she’s the one who put the sticks after I put glue. On the other hand, I enjoyed my time with EJ. He’s so active and a bit shy. I teased him Kokey and he called me fat so I punched him … just kidding! The frame we did is like Alex’s but EJ’s frame got some design and it was like a mini-house. They graduated last Monday and I wasn’t able to come because 1) I wasn’t informed and 2) I have classes. I am so happy I enrolled to 1ED01 in NSTP because again, most of the students taking NSTP in main campus don’t go to the community.
One day last week, I was walking along the patio and came across with this Thursday Jamming at the Students’ Lounge. It was so so cool and I wanna give a thumbs up to the brain who thought of this idea. I can’t believe there are lots of talented Trinitians both in singing and playing the guitar. Sadly, last Thursday was the last jamming for this year, if I am not mistaken. I hope they’d do this again like twice a month because it’s so so cool and it will also give some recognition not just only to the jammers but to the organization as well.
Been buying taho frequently. I miss this so much because this is my childhood. I can still remember how my elder sister and I run like we’re tributes in the 75th Hunger Games just to go out of our house before the man selling taho pass by our place. I think I haven’t eaten this since I was in Grade 5 until last year, when I was still there. Woah, that’s hella long, eh.
Last Thursday, we finished our Unknown Cations Analysis. It was an individual task and we were tasked to identify what cations are present in the unknown solution our professor gave us. We were given an estimate of 5mL of an unknown solution and there are 4 cations in it. At first, I was so nervous because I have a little to no idea about unknown analysis since I got to miss one laboratory due to morning blindness and my lab partner didn’t even bother telling me what is what. She’s in her friends and she even had the nerve to bring our toolbox-which-I-bought-almost-everything in their place. But, I told you guys, solitude is my freaking bestfriend. Working without anyone around you is the best strategy in doing an unknown analysis in chemistry because you’ll get to know everything on your own. Guess what, I was the first one to finish identifying the four cations in the whole class. Could you believe it? I got Sr+, Ca+, Mg+ and Na+.
So I got myself a bus ticket en route to Bicol for this Holy Week. I got it last March 18, way too early for a trip on 31st but Superlines had 31st all-booked, there are few remaining seats but those on the last part of the bus. I wouldn’t take those because surely, seating on the last seat of the bus will be the death of me. I nearly bought a ticket for a trip to Naga just for me to be able to go home but the 31st’s trip to Naga was also and already fully-booked. I was about to go home when I thought of trying to go to DLTB Terminal. When I went to the ticketing booth, I was so nervous because I’m afraid their 31st trip’s already fully-booked but Heaven heard my prayers, it wasn’t. Actually, there are no any reservations yet. I wouldn’t doubt it since DLTB is more expensive than Superlines. It’s my first time to ride DLTB to Bicol and I have no idea if they have a stop-over in Atimonan. My system’s used to Superlines’ Atimonan stop-over like I automatically wake-up when the place is near. Anyways, I’m so excited to be back home after three freaking straight months.
This week has been the busiest week I’ve ever had this whole semester and it’s all because of baby thesis. I did the freaking final thesis manuscript for two days and imagine my fatigue. On Wednesday, me and Pau went to Camp Crame to gather some data. It was so tiring because the camp is so huge and we were passed by office to office. We almost had a round-trip in there. Anyhoo, it was a success since we got the latest statistics of Juvenile Delinquents in the entire Philippines. On Thursday, we asked permission to our professor because we won’t attend our class since we’re going to DSWD and she allowed us. My Fil102 prof also allowed me to ditch her class. So there, we went to Batasan, Quezon City and the trip ate almost all of our time. It wasn’t a success because most of the staff were in Subic, Baguio and Sequoia Hotel for a “seminar” but we gathered some outside sources where we got almost all the data we were supposed to get in DSWD.
We all have this prejudice to policemen; useless human who only bloat and get fat sitting in their offices, always late during crimes and every negative thing but we always commend DSWD because they have the heart in saving every lost souls. Sorry to break your prejudice guys but it was reverse. PNP is very much commendable than DSWD. This is a statement coming from someone who got to enter both of its central offices and again, it’s PNP who got the heart to help lost souls. I was really disappointed with the staff of DSWD Central Office. They were so useless. Don’t get me wrong, you might think I call them useless because we weren’t able to gather data from them but no, that’s not the reason why I called them useless. We entered the office and we were standing in the information desk for like 10 minutes but no one even bothered entertaining us. Worse, there are lots of staff in the area and they saw us, they look at us but they continued chit-chatting like they saw none. The only time we got entertained was when a staff entered the office. Another thing is, why do these people need to be gone during freaking working days just for a freaking “training/seminar”? And why do they need to hold a seminar for two different departments at the same time? They could’ve scheduled it on weekends, right? Or one after another. And why is a training or seminar needs to be conducted in Subic and Baguio? So classy naman for social workers. While in PNP, we were just about to enter the door but you can see that the police assigned in the information desk was already preparing to welcome us. We were directed to different offices but each office gave us an escort. They even had those happy faces and calm voices unlike in DSWD, they have that tone which connotes that it’s our fault that their staff is out for a “seminar”. I’m aware this is just a small matter and is not a big deal but big things start from small things and I think DSWD failed to start doing good things in smaller parameter. Forgive me for this sudden rant but I just want to vent this one.
Swear guys, last week was really crazy especially last Friday. At midnight, I started finishing the manuscript and I fell asleep and woke up 10 minutes late for my morning class which was PE. My mind was really in chaos since the other part tells me to get up and prepare for school but the other half tells me to stay and finish the fcking thesis. In the end, I went to school since we’re practicing for our finals and I can’t miss a spot in the choreo. Then, I ditched my lit class in the afternoon just to finish the baby thesis. I can’t believe I ditched my Literature class. We actually have a scheduled quiz that day but I wasn’t able to take it since I ditched but I asked my prof if I could take the quiz and he said yes. I was also late in our Stat Lab Quiz because I’ve beaten the 5pm deadline of our prof for us to submit the manuscript. The deadline was supposedly the day before Friday but because DSWD’s data were not yet in our hands that time, we asked for an extension and Friday at 5pm’s the longest extension we got.
I am so mad with my two other groupmates. They’re freaking useless and I’m afraid they will pull the group’s grade down because they know nothing. They’re both Turkish nationals and I sound like a racist but I won’t choose any foreigner thesis or group member anymore.
We also had the results in our Philo Semi-Final Exam and surprise, I GOT A PERFECT SCORE. I didn’t expect I’d get a perfect score since I just got a satisfactory grade in our quiz related to the semis exam. I’m so happy because I have the privilege of not taking the final exam since I am exempted. The Symbolic Logic seems so hard and if anachem is equally hard, I’d consider utilizing the benefit of being exempted.
And last week, we had our CSC Elections. I’m quite disappointed because that wasn’t what I expected for a university elections. There’s only one party who ran and to avoid failure of elections, we need to vote yes or no. I know exactly what it feels like to run in a school election and I know the desire for leadership so I voted yes.

That’s pretty much it! If you could notice, I didn’t write an intro because I’ve ran out of words. Besides, my mind is still under the spell of thesis-writing. Monday’s our defense and woop, wish me luck guys! I need it.

Thank you so much for reading! And oh, by the way. Happy Graduation to all the graduates of Batch 2015. Welcome to the university of life. College of reality.

March 29, 2015| 12 Notes

Papz (my father) sent mama a new smartphone thru my uncle who came back here in the Philippines last week. My mom asked me to get it since I’m the first to go home this holy week and my uncle and his family will go to their place in Goa first before going to our folks’ land which is in Camarines Norte.

Inside the phone, my father installed lots of applications. Most of them were games. During the first time that I checked the phone, I was really making fun of my papz because why in this world would a man, in the age 50, would actually enjoy such things? I’m younger but I don’t play much in my phone – I don’t even installed any games in it so I was really confused why would my father install a shit tons of games.

I checked it again today. I was sorting the applications from most important to the least. I actually thought of deleting some irrelevant applications because they’re freaking irrelevant but when I was about to hit the uninstall button, the image of my father flashed in my mind. He put too much effort to this. Imagine waiting for these applications to finish installing … that’s a hella lot of patience and I don’t have that kind of patience. If you’ll look at it, it’s just a simple matter. They were just applications and if you happen to delete it, you can always reinstall it. Pero iba pa rin kasi yung value na siya yung naglagay eh. Kapag tinanggal ko yun, parang tinanggal ko rin yung effort niya. It’s not much of a big deal but an effort is an effort, no matter how small or how big it is.

You know what made me cry more? it’s because I remember what my uncle told me the day that I got this phone.

“Parating malungkot dun si papa mo”

Remember my question why in this world would a man, in the age 50, would actually enjoy such things? now I know the answer.

Maybe because these games were the only source of his hapiness there. Maybe because with these games, he can somehow enjoy his stay there and he was able to forget that he’s alone; his homesickness will be lessened … and I am such a hypocrite for underestimating the worth of these irrelevant applications – as I call earlier. He put so much effort to install these applications in assumption that it will bring joy to my mom/ to us, as much as it brought joy to him. And I can’t believe I almost threw my father’s happiness.

March 24, 2015| 10 Notes

THE VAMPS MIXTAPE

It’s been almost 8 months since I last posted a mixtape and ooooh, I missed making one. So today, I made a new mixtape and I’m sharing it to you guys.

Uhm, so I guess some of you were surprised and wondering why in this world am I talking about a freakin boy band. Yep, a boy band – uhh, that’s pretty analogous to band … wagon and you guys know that I hate bandwagon because I mentioned the intensity of my animosity towards bandwagon for you guys know how many times but this band is an exception. I just heard one of their songs on a random blog here on Tumblr because I did check a blog of someone who followed me and that song played and it was a love at first hear (wait, is that even a thing?) That song didn’t leave my head and I was all gaga over it. I was playing that song on repeat all throughout that night, doing those crazy headbangings and lip syncs and I even shared it to my bestfriend saying he should listen to that song. I thought the spell of the song will sooner leave me after two to three days but it’s already a week and I’m still bewitched. Because of the enchantment that song gave me, I became a fan – but not a vampette yet because I know, I am by no means on the same level as the vampettes yet because I’ve been patronizing them for just a week and some vampettes were vampettes since forever. I don’t even know the band members’ real full names and historical background yet. I don’t feel like claiming I’m a super fan if I’m just a fan. There’s a big difference, right? Yup, we should know where to place ourselves even just in fangirling. I actually downloaded their entire album, Meet The Vamps because after hearing the song I was talking about, I had a gut feeling that they have more songs that are as heavenly as that song and gut feelings don't lie – they do have a lot of eargasm songs.

In this mixtape, are the songs I love most from The Vamps. This is actually in particular order. Can We Dance is the song I was talking about - the song that made me like The Vamps. This song is now a personal favorite because it makes me so happy whenever I hear it and I couldn’t stop doing those crazy headbangs even if I’m outside (well, the headbangs were a bit subtle when I’m in public places). I actually liked their songs because of the melodies, rhythms and beats and that’s my personal criteria on telling if a song is pleasing to hear. I rarely depend on the lyrics - except Christina Grimmie’s and Ed’s. So in this mixtape, I tried my best to pick 10 songs I liked the most from their Meet the Vamps Album.

So here’s the list:

Can We Dance
Another World
Shout About It
Risk It All
She Was The One
Dangerous
Lovestruck
Wild Heart
Fall
Last Night

I had my first attempt on making this mixtape on 8tracks but it only allows two songs per singer because of some legal policies and I thought I wouldn’t be able to share this mixtape. Gladly, some fan accounts uploaded The Vamps’ songs on Soundcloud. And yeah, I was able to share it to y’all.

And only this week, I knew that they already visited Philippines and that broke my heart because I could’ve seen them if I just became a fan earlier. I am not sure if I’ll be a fan for a long time because this is only a love begotten by accident and at the same time, a part of bandwagon and again, my hatred is much more powerful. And this is the first time that I liked a boy band, I swear. I’m actually weirded by myself because I don’t know why I liked them … well, maybe there are songs/bands that has the power to drag your soul into their music that you just can’t say no. But who knows, they might be back soon and if my love for them is still strong and I’m still a fan, then I’ll go watch them live.

Thank you so much for listening and I hope you enjoy this mixtape as much as I do.

Buy their album here.

March 14, 2015| 38 Notes

L I F E L A T E L Y + February Highlights

Hello, hello everyone! Lookie here, someone’s got the time to do another life lately entry huh. Well, this is quite late to say but I’m trynna start my month being productive … in terms of blogging. I noticed that I only post three or less blogposts per month lately and that’s sad because as I explore my archives, I saw there that last year, my minimum posts per month is 20 and now … you were so active back then but what happened, self? ~~school happened!~~ So I’m going to try my best to at least, relive my activeness even just little by little.

So like what the title says, this is a life lately entry wherein I’ll be sharing to you guys the things which made February busy.

Last week, we had our Midterm Examinations and it literally ate me whole. I was really not used with the system yet because you know, unlike last semester, I only had four subjects so basically, I just need to study four subjects but this semester, I need to study seven. I had a hard time studying because goodness gracious, analytical chemistry and philosophy ate almost all the time/hours I was supposed to lend to other subjects. I was so thankful that I belong to 1ED01 in NSTP because we don’t have any exams unlike other blocks especially the medtech blocks where some of my classmates were aggravated with how long their reviewers are in NSTP.

And this week, we had our examination results. So far, my scores were amenable. I am the highest in our English102 exam and supposedly, the highest too in Fil102 but I answered Test IV with numbers and we’re supposed to answer with letters so I got no points on that part which resulted to a loss of 19 points — I ended up being the second highest *sobs real hard because of my stupidity* In my Math102, believe it or not but I am the second to the highest in our exam. I got a 40/50 and our professor didn’t tell us what comes next after the highest score but yesterday, we used our Midterm Exam grades as input data in our Stat Lab Exercise and I saw nothing higher than 40 (or so I think? oh my god I hope my eyes didn’t just see things that aren’t real). And in Lit101, I got 92 which is not bad. But in Philo … don’t laugh guys but I only got 27/50. We didn’t really expect the exam to be that hard since our professor is not as terror as Sir Guevarra (most of my medtech classmates say he’s terror) but the enumeration almost ripped my brain in halves. I can’t believe I’m going to settle for the “at least pasado” thing. No results in Chem105 and CE102 yet.

We also did our Prelim Exam in Fil102 which is the Puppet Show. I was really proud with myself because I was able to throw my shyness away and was assigned to do the opening act and be the narrator. With my small voice, who would have thought I’d be able to do it?
Presenting my safe haven at school. This is where I mostly stay during free-cuts since I usually go home here in my dorm during my free time.
Anyway, I gave my blog a little revamp. I made a new blog banner and to be honest, I just did it randomly. I didn’t have plans on changing my banner but I was looking at random pictures on Google and I got inspired to it. I felt a bit sad though because my old banner’s supposed to celebrate its one year as my banner on April and I changed it before it even reached its anniversary hahaha I also decided to change the font of each sidebar sections title – the categories, current read, blog button, etc. I changed the font into a calligraphy font and adjusted the size a bit bigger. (Base photo not mine)

I also did a theme tweaking … after Tumblr knows how many months. It was also random because I just had the urge to play with pink palette that time but I can’t do it here on my blog because I already established a monochromatic theme here and I am so happy because I have someone’s blog where I can vent my pink craze. It’s at pearltriestoblog. Check it out!

Last February 28, I went to Calamba, Laguna to watch Crazy Beautiful You with my buds Rica. I was supposed to go there before lunch but I woke up at 10 and shit just got real. Good thing, there’s no traffic so I think the trip only lasted for 1 hour. We ate lunch at KFC – talk about being solid KathNiels. The movie was so great and Kathreng and Danilo were superb! Daniel was really really funny and Kathryn’s uggghhh sooo hot! Crazy Beautiful You kinda made our imaginations real … you know, some of the parts there were familiar to us because of tons of KathNiel fanfictions we’ve read and it’s so overwhelming that we saw KathNiel do it. After the movie, we stayed a bit more at SM Calamba and talked about things … lots of things that we lasted until 8 pm. You know guys, we aren’t really this close before and we’re both aware that we both didn’t expect that we will be this close. I guess the saying “kung sino pa ang di mo inaakalang magiging kaibigan mo ang siyang magiging tapat na kaibigan mo” is real.
I also watched Fifty Shades of Grey, finally. After my February 14 attempt, I decided to watch it after everyone is finished. It feels good to own the moment … you know, the moment when there are no fake FSoG fans with you in the cinema anymore. I actually hate the fact that Fifty Shades of Grey became a mainstream and you know how much I hate mainstream. So the fascination was lost. I wasn’t this girl with lots of words to say because-I-watched-the-movie-of-the-first-installment-of-the-trilogy-I-turned-down-during-first-read-and-reread-it-last-year-which-took-me-a-couple-of-midnights-for-two-weeks-to-finish after coming out of the cinema anymore like what I was used to be. Anyway, I loved it. I didn’t notice any changes, they just cut some parts … or not? For my favorite part, I love the flying thru the glider in Georgia and thru Charlie Tango. I was actually under LSS in the song Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding which is one of the soundtracks of FSoG. I’m just a bit sad because the exchange of emails was short and that’s the part I love most in the book. I am not much excited for Darker but I’m so hyped to see Freed ohmygod that’s where the trilogy will show that it isn’t just about sex and dominance and abuse. It was my favorite in the trilogy though.
Immaculate Concepcion Cathedral of Cubao. I attended a mass here last Sunday. Nothing, it was just random. This is the wedding church of DongYan and haha I’m not a fan but I love their wedding. I just find the church so grand and beautiful. While my family and I (in Bicol) were watching their televised wedding, we were wondering where in Cubao was it. And when I came back from Christmas break, the bus I rode passed by this church to avoid traffic in EDSA and the church looked familiar. And then it hit me! I was actually passing by this church since July and I didn’t know it was the wedding church of DongYan until I researched it. I told mom I found the wedding church and told her I went there and she said I should take a selfie. She also said she’ll attend a mass in this church too, soon.
This is random but I found myself being so obsessed with skies. This photo was taken at the facade of ICCC and it’s time for sunset. I find the gradients of the sky in this photo so cool, look at that.
Quiapo Church. I just had a quick stroll with Quiapo Church. I wasn’t able to attend a mass because I was really at Raon that time and just thought of dropping by. I was really anxious while walking towards the church because I’m afraid of all the stories and news I know about Quiapo Church. But I still went inside. It was so huge and there are lots of people inside. I also saw devotees who walk by knees towards the altar. I actually wanted to confess but I don’t know what the red light symbolizes – idk if it means there is someone inside or whatever.
Sudden fascination with skies and churches … was it a good development for someone who is a former non-believer?

That’s it! I am hoping for a productive March ~~for me~~, for all of us. Thank you so much for reading and have a nice day.

March 07, 2015| 18 Notes

As you all know guys – uhm, well, not all of you … but to let y'all know, I’m that kind of pig joke, of person who’s very emotional with everything … even the most basic thing that a human can possess has sentimental value for me. I’m that someone who thinks about what I did yesterday exactly at this moment and cries and re-lives everything that has happened in the earlier chapters of the book(s) I’ve read the moment I reached its end. It feels like everything which I’ve grasped even if it’s small has significant value in my life that’s why, I always find it so hard to forget things by force.

Yesterday, I wandered through my Instagram feed until the beginning of time. I had my account since summer after Third Year HS, I believe and that was on the year 2011 so basically, I was still on that “jeje phase”. I mostly posts everything during that time and by everything, that means EVERYTHING I see in my gallery. Don’t judge guys, I’m still young that time and that’s prolly the prettiest photography during those days for me hahahaha

So I decided to clean my feed and to remove all those jeje and irrelevant pictures. But the fact that everything has sentimental value for me, I really had a hard time choosing what to delete because those were memories and you can’t bring them back. So in the end, I had this idea of deleting all those pictures which I didn’t hesitate to delete and to keep those which I can’t just delete in this post. I really want to keep them all but most of it were not that pleasant to see so I came up saving ten pieces which have significant memories in my past years.

1st picture - STEP Competition, Table Setting. To be honest, I joined this competition when I was in Grade Six but I only posted it when I was in Third Year HS because obviously, that’s only the time when IG came out and when I had my account. This was taken by a film camera (we can’t afford dslr yet that time) and I just captured the photograph using my phone. So my arrangement is nothing compared to the table setting of kids these days but guys, that’s the best a Grade Six pupil in the year 2008 could possibly give. It’s actually a privilege to represent my school, Daet Elementary School because I came from Section 1 and most of the students which were favored to represent the school in such events came from the SPED–which is the star section of each grade level and being one of those few who weren’t from SPED who brought the school’s name was really a blessing for me. I didn’t win but I was 3rd Place, as far as I remember and being 3rd Place in a Division-wide competition was really an achievement. I was also the school’s representative in Slogan-Making Contests during that time (Grade 6) and I remember winning a Hawk Backpack because I won in the contest initiated by the Municipal Government of Daet for Nutrition Month.

2nd picture - Rosary Month, OLLCF. I forgot if this was during my Third Year or Fourth Year HS days but it’s indeed during the Rosary Month. All I remember is … I was an officer of Student Council (not sure if it was when I’m 3rd year when I was SC Secretary or during 4th year when I was the SGO President) and I did the decorating of the altar. I remember bugging Sir Romel to do the skirting while I went to the old MAPEH Room to scavenge for things that can be used as decorations. I found the knitted table cloth thingy, the flower in a vase and that goldy candle holder. Supposedly, only one candle will be lit but I put 2 other candles while no one’s watching and lit them right away before the prayer started so that no one could tell me to remove it. But in the end, nobody asked why there were three candles and that made me feel relieved because I didn’t commit a crime hahaha

3rd picture - MAPEH Practicum, Buwan ng Wika Theme. This was before or amidst the celebration of Buwan ng Wika when I was in Fourth Year. We were tasked to do an Interpretative Dance. I am not much a dancer but I love MAPEH Practicums. I was the leader of our group and I was also the one who choreographed our dance. We used the song Magkaisa by Virna Lisa as our music. I based our steps in one YT video I watched and just did some changes in our steps so that it would match the music and us. For our costumes, I decided to have an all black costume, white hand gloves and just face painted colors red, yellow and blue on our cheeks to depict the national flag. I’m the one who provided our long-sleeve black tops because most of my groupmates doesn’t have those. Luckily, my mom’s school got enough black long-sleeve tops because her studs used it in an interpretative dance. And for the boys, since they didn’t show up frequently during practice, I just assigned them to lift Janine at the end of the dance and I also made a part in the dance where the boys and some of the girls lined up and did something like a CAT Drill, for them to portray soldiers. I borrowed some riffles(?) from Sir Martinez, our ACP Instructor/ Commandant. We actually got the highest score and it was really worth it. Anyway, we had a total of three practicums in MAPEH during our Fourth Year days and I was the leader of all three sets of groups I belong to in each practicum. My groups got the highest grades except for the second practicum which was the one with the Christmas theme. I actually expected it even just right after the grouping because someone I hate ended up in my group and she was so stubborn and she wanted things to go on her own stupid way. I was very strict in my groupmates during practice and her stubbornness just led us in our defeat. You can’t blame me if I’d put the blame to her because dun sa dalawang group ko na hindi siya member, we got the highest score and nung time na kagroup ko siya, we lost. Well, past is past. So let’s just forget that badvibes and I’ll just be happy because nakarma na siya. (Ohmygod, why am I so mean hahaha) Well anyway, I didn’t mean this to tell you that I’m always the leader, that I am the boss and I am the key for our success; I just wanna show how much I love being a leader and choreographer during practicums even though I am not a very good dancer hahahaha what

4th picture - Final Thesis Defense. This was during our Fourth Year HS days when we did our Undergrad Thesis Final Defense. We were the Best in Manuscript and Best in Title Defense when we were Second Year but we lost the pace because of me being busy in SGO. I spent most of my time doing my SGO thing that I forgot to lend time in our manuscript that’s why we weren’t able to submit the manuscript on time. Also, my phone got stolen in the middle of the school year and all our documentations were there. We weren’t awarded as the Best in Manuscript group because again, we weren’t able to pass the manuscript in time. In the end, I decided to add a portion in our hardbound thesis after the Curriculum Vitae where we, my groupmates and I wrote our messages and sentiments about the entire Thesis experience. I think that was the first time in the entire history of our school when a portion like that was done in a hardbound thesis. I should visit the school library sometime when I go home in our province to see if other groups after us got inspired with our idea *giggles*

I miss everything. Our whole thesis journey is very memorable especially during our 2nd year high school days when our adviser’s just around. That moment when she’s very hands-on with us and she’s only the adviser who showed up and stayed until the Title Defense (when we were in Second Year) ended. She’s Mam Cristel Acunin and she’s a faculty member of Nursing Department in our school that time. My aunt was also a member of College of Nursing before and she directed us to Mam Cristel, who happened to be the Best Thesis something of the school during those times and for that, our group was indeed lucky to have her as adviser. But she flew abroad when we were in Third Year but she still kept in touch but things were different when she’s with us physically. Maybe if she’s still there during our Fourth Year HS days, we were still able to maintain the pace. Well, that’s the thing about learning life lessons, you can learn most of it the hard way.

5th picture - Vinzons Escapade. I can’t remember what we did that day at school but after class, we – Yabes, Mjane, Janine, Harvey and I went to Vinzons to watch the Graduation Ceremony of VPHS. It was also during that time when the 400-year old Church behind us caught fire (was it 400? I’m not sure but it’s a hundred + years old). I can’t remember everything but I’m sure I had fun.

6th picture - Recognition Day ‘13. This was during the Recognition Day when we were in Fourth Year. This was actually the first time that I didn’t receive any award of recognition. I lost my place in Top 5 during Third Year and I officially lost my place in Top 10 during Fourth Year. The photo was taken when Harvey, batangbalotngpimples and I were about to go home.

7th picture - Favorite HS Teachers. I took this photo summer after high school. I got these photos of my teachers while the HS Secretary, Mam April was cleaning the cabinets. Me being SGO President (I abuse my power too much ugh I hate myself) and being close to Mam Sexy, I asked for the pictures and she agreed. Most of them left the school when I was just Second Year and I like them all because for me, the Lourdenian spirit was present to each of them compared to the teachers we had when we were in Fourth Year and also the teachers until present.

8th picture - Summer Pupil’s Camp. This was also summer after high school. The SK Chairman, ate Tin asked me to be one of the facilitators for the Summer Pupils’ Camp of the Supreme Pupils’ Government officers of the school in our barangay wherein my mother’s the SPG Adviser. It was actually a fun experience and like what I’ve mentioned before, I don’t have any acquaintances in our barangay and this camp let me experienced being with some of my ka-barangays for a couple of days. I also got to be close with some of my mom’s students and I really had fun.

9th picture - Old dorm room. This was my room before I transferred here in TUA, when I was still studying in my previous university, Universidad de Sta. Isabel. Aaaah, I miss this place :(( yep, I chose not to have a bedframe because I know I’m not staying there for a long time. It was approximately 60 steps away from Ateneo de Naga University that’s why all of my housemates were Ateneans. Gaaahhd, I’m missing this house… I’m missing my old school, my old blockmates…

10th picture - Macho Mo Neng. I posted this just last year when I first watched That’s My Tomboy but this actually happened when I was in Fourth Year HS during our BSP-GSP Encampment. It was a mini-pageant with a twist and with the name Macho Mo Neng at Ganda Mo Toy. Supposedly, our patrol won’t join this because no one, aside from Harvey was qualified to join. But me being the Patrol Leader, I can’t let our patrol miss the points so there… I joined. It was actually just for fun and for the sake of the points. Even though sometime in my life, I became a boy at heart, I never really thought I’d join such kind of thing. I am very much aware that I have no edge against the other contingents by looks considering the fact that I am so fat (the only fat) but I don’t know what’s got into me that I plunged myself into that shameful thing. I actually had a boyfriend that time and that’s really awkward. I really avoided him during the entire show and until now, I don’t know if he watched or not. In the end, I won the title. Could you believe it? Even though this was just for fun, I’m really thankful that not all things were being judged by physical beauty … hooray for having at least, a useful brain :)))

That’s it. Well now, look at me … tears starting to pour in my eyes. I’m really emotional with things like this, y is dat??? It’s really fun to hark back all the things that has happened in the past and at the same time, it’s making me a bit sad because time flies so fast. Ugh, I’ll never get tired retelling all the memories of my wonderful past.

This was really lengthy and if you came this far, thank you so so so much for reading. Have a nice day!

February 25, 2015| 10 Notes