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I just learned last week that both CHED and DOH wont be offering scholarships for medicine anymore to “make way” for the Doktor Para sa Bayan Act.
Guess I just blew my only chance to pursue med?
I wish I just followed my initial plan and didn’t get too emotional? I was so determined to pursue med this 2021, I enrolled in a review center and was so ready to take the March exam but I backed out and changed my plans. As if it wasn’t enough, I even had the audacity to take 5 units of Molecular Biology and Diagnostics.
A little backstory and another episode of “me making everything about me”, my father got into an accident last December which made him disabled (and impossible to go back abroad to support my studies.) It was Sunday and I was having my review class back then when it happened. I was usually locked up in my room to avoid distractions when I overheard noises outside and learned that there was someone who got into an accident few blocks away from our home and they said it was probably my father. Everything happened so fast! My mother told me and my sister to check if it was Papa. My sister got there first and when I saw her come back crying, I immediately ran back to our house, changed clothes and went to the hospital.
I was so busy with my review, I didn’t notice my phone was being blown with calls and messages from my boss and workmates. They knew my father got in an accident before me! Luckily, he was able to tell everyone in the ER I’m an employee that’s why he was given prompt attention.
I have never told anyone about this enough but it was a bit traumatizing for me. To be honest, literally few days before that day, when I was crossmatching and heard an ambulance, I had this random thought na “what if a relative of mine is in need of blood? ako talaga magc-crossmatch kahit na off duty ako” — it didn’t happen. I didn’t know what to do. I almost passed out when I saw the oozing blood out of my father’s leg. I had to get out of the ER to breathe but I had to compose myself because I’m the one who knows the process in our hospital and had to get things done as soon as possible. My father had a “direct OR”.
We were lucky because I am working in the Blood Bank and extra lucky because we have stocks at the time! We were able to release five units in a jiffy and it was tagged under his name until we were discharged. The nurses kept telling me we were lucky because there were blood units back then because my father lost lots of blood and probs wont make it if there’s none. If I remember correctly, three units were transfused while he’s in the OR.
From then, I wasn’t able to absorb whatever is being taught in the lectures. I just finished the review class for the sake of finishing it. Even now, just the thought of reviewing again takes me back to that day. The accident made what I was only fearing for before happen and instilled a whole new level of fear to me.
“What if the same thing or worse happens if I’m away?” We were fine because I am working in a hospital but it would be different if I am no longer working. This and my previous thoughts made me decide not to push through studying this 2021. I also thought diverting my attention to other career path is better. I took up Molecular Biology to satisfy my long overdue desire for it ever since college. But it didn’t last. I really want to be a doctor!
What if I didn’t let my emotions get through me and still pushed through my plan? What if instead of letting the fears and doubts consume me, I should’ve used it as my inspiration to get in to medschool?
What if I knew of these scholarships earlier and didn’t have to waste years waiting for validation of “my calling”? I should’ve been either in second or third year now had I not been this indecisive. Few years left and I was supposed to be done yet I’m still stuck in my what ifs and doubts.
On a lighter note, I wish I was born with another dream. I wish I was good at other things that didn’t have to be stuck here, frustrated because I may no longer fulfill my childhood dream.
Most importantly, I wish medical education is affordable or at least just as worth the salary we are getting after.
Medicine is for those with money and those with brains. There’s no place for people like me who’s in the middle and can barely maintain the average.
People seem to keep on asking if I still want to pursue medicine.
To be honest, I want to. But I don’t want my parents to pay for my studies anymore. Working myself made me realize earning money is no joke. We are not as well of as my parents try to provide us. Until now, I can’t believe how they were able to send me to school— not just any school but a private and one of the top medical technology schools in the country. (Yes, free promo) I’m so thankful to have been given the chance to experience studying without thinking of anything but acads.
Also, I have a younger sibling and a niece. I feel like I’m robbing them opportunities if I ever insist on having my parents make my dreams come true. All our money will be spent on me again. I don’t want that.
Parang ayoko na ulit mag-isa. That’s one of the reasons I always tell people. It’s true though. I can’t believe I was able to live alone for five years (MTLE review included). Being back here in our province makes it hard for me to even think of being away again for several years just to study. I just got back, imagine the days and moments I could’ve spent with my family if I’ll be away again… the thought alone makes me sad. With the recent events, I’m even more convinced to just stay. At least if I were to die, I’m with my family.
Can I handle all the info? Kaya ba ng megabyte brain ko ang terabyte info ng medskul? I’m scared I’d lose hope in the middle of being in it. This was what I realized when I reached the clinical year during undergrad years. The clinical subjects in medical technology were enough to overwhelm me, how much more sa medicine?
Lastly,
It’s hard being average. Too average to pass a scholarship with entry quota grades to maintain and too average earner to afford a regular medical school.
Must be nice to reach for your dreams without any problems, noh?
Anyways, if we’re lucky enough to survive this pandemic, I hope I get to chance upon an opportunity to realize this seemingly-impossible dream. #Hwaiting!