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Not to be whiny but it just saddens me whenever I see posts from Batch 2019 wherein they were being hyped up by the Dean as they review for the board exam. I know I should move on but I juuuuust can’t help but feel… jealous?
How does that feel?
How does it feel like not being looked down upon?
How does it feel like not being constantly reminded how lacking you are and doubt yourself if you are capable of taking the September boards every minute?
I can never forget the struggle and pain my batch (or I alone… but I doubt it’s just me) had to go through emotionally when it was us, reviewing last year. I mean who would forget that time when we were yelled at (and embarrassed) by her whilst those students who were reviewing for PAMET-PASMETH Quiz Show sat in our review classes? I remember her telling them to “"tell your batch mates to review harder as early as this day so as to not end up like this batch during board review”“. I can clearly remember when she told us how our batch is "just an average batch” so we had to triple our efforts. How many times we were reminded how excellent previous batches were compared to us? I lost count. Earlier during the review, she was so ecstatic claiming a Top 1 Performing School but during the latter months… she just “hoped and prayed for the best”. That’s how they just lost faith in our batch. We also received news from friends from other review centers how the Dean told everyone that no one would take the boards from TUA. Not sure how true though. When the results came out, they thought it was just “a strategy” to surprise everyone. Little did they know, she just doesn’t want anyone to expect so high from us and be disappointed in the end. Last but not the least, I will never forget that time when our Academic Head talked to us and cried, almost begging, just so some of us wouldn’t take the board exam because they don’t trust as fully.
But of course, maybe we were just really slow and average. Numbers don’t lie right? But I had to defend, we never lacked effort. We did the best we can do individually.
Taking into account the three important things the college was coincidentally facing when we took the boards. We had to garner 100% to:
1) Maintain the Level III PAASCU Accreditation.
2) Maintain the Masters in Medical Technology in TUA.
3) Maintain the International Clinical Internship Program.
Apparently, these are more important than our batch’s self-esteem and mental health… but that’s okay, it’s in the past already anyway meow. Everyone passed and we were blessed to be able to bag a Top 1 Performing School recognition… and they were suddenly proud ha ha (okay I know I know who wouldn’t?) but the emotional scars we got just to reach that??? it won’t go away. Very dramatic but it really won’t… at least for me.
They said we needed that much pressure for us to strive harder. “Pressure makes diamonds”, they said. Ha, look at me! Do I look like a diamond? I actually became a mess after I passed the boards and got my license. I suddenly didn’t know what to do with my life looool
Reviewing for boards while living alone? It’s no joke! I had no one to talk to. Remember the nights I had to cry and ask myself if I am worthy to take September boards, self? I literally almost didn’t because of the immense pressure I felt! There came a point where I already told my mother I’m not taking the boards and was ready to go back to Bicol had people from Student Affairs Center did not talk me out of it.
Nonetheless, my alma mater did not lack in honing our skills and further our theoretical strengths… they even went to greater extents just to ensure we know everything… to the point that it’s taking toll in our mental health. That’s what they lacked, is all I can say.
I’m not sure where this post is going. This is just me pouring what I feel.. in raw and at the spur of the moment. Probs like my version of “felt cute, might delete later”; mine would be “felt mad, might delete later”. I don’t know if I’m making any sense, I’m probably exaggerating and plainly whining but I really felt the need to vent. You wont probably understand anyway if you didn’t experience it yourself.
Anywayyyy, I’m hoping for the best to Batch 2019! Wouldn’t say anything that would pressure anyone because I know first hand, it won’t help but I hope and am praying y'all finish strong! Never let external voices get into you. Always remember that you are taking the boards for yourself… not for anyone or for anything. Everything else is just an incentive!
PS: we only had an In-House Review.
Yesterday, while I was wrapping up the cross matching I was doing, my senior told me there’s a “PCV patient”. Couldn’t hear it clearly at first so I just shrugged it, thinking he was just telling it just because. Then he asked me if I wanted to bleed the patient; turns out it was the P C V as in Polycythemia Vera, a low-growing blood cancer in which your bone marrow makes too many red blood cells (© Mayo Clinic) and it was her schedule for Therapeutic Phlebotomy.
Had to check her CBC result and it really matches the theoretical criteria of the disease. Her blood was indeed thick!!! Yikes, I miss Hematology.
Okay, I had to post it!!! Can’t believe I was only reading/ hearing from my clinical instructors/ imagining this case two years ago and now, I just encountered it irl!!! Again, every day is a new learning experience!
First Week as a Medical Technologist!
I remember writing on my last post that “I don’t have the spirit to find a job yet” but two days after that very post, I landed a job… in a freaking public hospital!!! Yep, can’t believe it myself either.
It honestly still hasn’t sank in because it all happened too fast??!!! I’M NOT EVEN EMOTIONALLY PREPARED TO WORK YET!!!! I’m not even 100% sure that I’m going to practice the profession but surprise surprise! I remember only getting up in the morning (which I usually don’t because I always wake up at lunch unless my niece has school affair) to submit my PDS in a local hospital then the next thing I knew, I was already signing a contract and getting my biometrics!!! I thought there’s still a long process and all that but it all happened in a flash!?
I was assigned in the Blood Station Facility of our Provincial Hospital. So far, I’m getting the hang of our work flow. My seniors were nice enough to teach me everything I need to know and actually left every crossmatching during my shifts to me for almost a week which I am thankful and afraid of at the same time. I am a self-proclaimed loser in phlebotomy due to my infamous phobia in needles (yup, ironically) and I was never even able to develop the “skills” during internship since I had it in two private hospitals that’s why I’m really scared and nervous whenever I was told to ward and extract. So far, I only had 2 failed extractions (endorsement) because the first patient’s vein collapsed, ‘di ko na nahabol which I thought was QNS (which later on I learned that okay lang pala huhu sayang) while the other one was a diabetic whose veins I couldn’t palpate #defensive. But I was also shocked and glad to have heard/ been told as a “sharp shooter” by a patient and her relative. Me??? A sharp shooter??? Over my shaking hands looooooool nope. It’s so funny that I developed the habit of praying “sana madali lang ang vein” whenever I receive blood requests. It’s still a looooooooong way to go for me in phlebotomy and I’m praying I’ll get over my fear of needles soon and extract like a pro.
I’m still as anxious as I am the first day because I am very aware of the fact that just one wrong drop of mine, I can kill a patient… and automatically lose my license. I always make sure to ask for guidance whenever my shift starts because that’s the only protection that I can get against all possible mishaps and my innate stupidity. I’m still really slow whenever I do crossmatching. I only do it per patient because I can’t risk doing it simultaneously with other patients because I may or may not confuse one from another. I tried once to do three crossmatching all at the same time and copy the way my senior labels and I seriously (lowkey) got confused that’s why from then on, I decided to stick with the way staff from St. Luke’s label as I’ve seen during my internship. I also developed a habit of checking the units I crossmatched for the day in the Crossmatching Logbook as well as the Completed Transfusion Logbook the moment I enter the lab in my next shift to see if any transfusion reactions or problems had occurred in the units I’ve crossmatched lol.
Every day is a new learning experience for me! Really looking forward to learn more and hopefully fulfill my dream of being a person for others as Medical Technologist. I’m still not sure if this really is what’s meant for me but I’m really leaving everything to Him for his plans will always be the best.
Here’s my first ever crossmatching and signature as a Blood Bank Registered Medical Technologist!!!
2018 was totally my year! I’m so glad to have received so many blessings in just one year. Here’s a little rundown of the ride I have had in 2018. A little late but here it is anyways! 💗
Internship kills dreams
I was never one of those kids whose wings were cut by their own parents before anyone else could. Mine never interfered with what career path I wanted to take and rather tirelessly supported me with big proud eyes which surely is something I am truly thankful for in this lifetime. Being a doctor has been a childhood dream and I have come in terms with its long process as early as Third Year High School. From then on, I already decided to take up Medical Technology as pre-medicine course which was also supported by my NCAE result.
The almost four and a half years I have dragged myself to school as an undergrad was a sweet memory; I experienced transferring schools because I felt like the former wasn’t doing the job properly and I wanted to be the best version of myself as a then future Medical Technologist which the latter did in all its effort and capabilities; I left the province, braved the big skirts of Metro Manila and lived alone for four years just to seek my great perhaps. For four years, I have yearned for the three letters to be mine and made it my motivation. I did what every dreamer had to do… strive hard to reach my dreams. Every day is a life lesson and the more I have progressed as a student, the more I wanted to reach the zenith. Come clinical year, my excitement to work in the lab grew four times than the “basal levels” and even led me to a decision to practice the profession first before continuing the ambitious dream that I have.
“This will soon be over.”
“ All of these will be worth it in the end.”
“Remember why you started.” are just some of the many words that comforted me and brought back whatever hope I have lost whenever faced with a downfall. Long story short, I ardently pursued for the R, M and T.
I got my diploma. I also got my license but why do I feel afraid to even step foot in the laboratory which I have long dreamed of to work in?
“Didn’t you have your internship at ***? Why don’t you apply and work there?”. Many times I have been asked. I didn’t need to think twice why I never wanted and intend to. It’s always clear and fresh to me; the wounds that having my internship there gave me.
“It’s such a good hospital, why must you let an opportunity pass?” I can only cringe. As if like a reflex, I would always answer, “It’s not what you think.”
If you ask me what I have truly learned during my *drumroll* 1-Year Internship, it is to be wary of people. If you ask me what skill I have developed, it is to shut my mouth and keep my confusion and questions to myself because you’ll only get ridiculed, more so, get a demerit. If you ask me what moral lesson I took out of it, it is to watch out and to fend for yourself.
I always have my eyes open to the fact that the world and its people is not pure and could be evil. I also know that the workforce is a competitive realm that ‘weaklings’ have no space in. But I never would’ve thought that I would get a taste of this bitter reality as early as the first day of internship and as if it’s not enough, throughout the entire year to conclude the supposed “on-the job training” with my dreams torn to pieces. There, of course, were good times and good people. I can never thank all of them for making the seemingly hell of a year bearable. But the bad seem to have overpowered the good ones that when weighed, the scale would fall to the side of the bad in a jiffy. It’s emotionally draining and petrifying that there came a point that the only thing that made me go to hospital duties is for it “to be over already”. Some did have similar experience as me and even tried to raise the matter but was dismissed and was told to just “let it slide”, “get used with it” and that it’s a “normal” thing in the lab. When I heard it, I was… scared? Isn’t internship a glimpse of the real thing? So does it mean, it’s what I were to face as I enter the profession? Do I also have to feel uneasy thinking what my colleagues talk behind me when I’m not around or be clueless about being roasted by someone who seems very friendly to me just how some of my then staff do to their colleagues? I remember so many people.
It’s tragic that I would be told that “it’s human nature”, it’s “normal” and I can’t do anything about it. Let me ask… why must we normalize evil? Why must we conform to people doing us wrong? Why must we feel wronged when we only want to learn? This long-running superiority issue that creates an internal discrimination in the healthcare, when will this end? Why instead of telling people to “get used with it” why can’t you be kinder? be more understanding that you were also once a junior who knows nothing?
The emotional trauma of getting yelled at in front of people at 6 am for not knowing what to do and for asking ‘too many questions’ on your FIRST DAY and be sent out; the feeling of being wrongly endorsed as someone you are not because of your senior’s personal opinion about you which left me nothing but discomfort and could only wish the six months would fly by in a blink; the feeling of being blamed for something grave as not exactly getting a timed-blood collection when you are not even allowed to extract in the first place or even as ridiculous as forgetting to NOT say “po” which you have been grown used to as you age just because some higher-ups didn’t like being addressed as such and many more have scarred me that when I am asked to fill-out three job position preferences, working as a Medical Technologist in Pathology Laboratory would be on the third spot or even not included. At present, I am currently trying out other careers I could make out of being a Registered Medical Technologist because I was too scared yet to be a real “medtech”.
I know it’s not a guarantee that the same thing wouldn’t happen to the new career path I’m trying to steer. It could really be a “natural” thing in the workforce and that’s a sad reality I had to learn to gulp. But I am praying and hoping for the best that there’s more good than bad in this world. I don’t know how long the wounds would heal but I’m really wishing that there will come a time that I would fully get over my “fear” of the laboratory and revive my dream. And am praying harder that people would realize to think twice before doing things that may inadvertently internally crush someone. Also, I may have to use this time to reflect on myself and “be more mature and stronger” as some people say because maybe I am just weak-hearted who’s making a mountain out of a molehill. Apologies if these are all too natural for you. For me, it’s not. I can always shrug physical assault but emotional injuries drill holes deeper in the core. Of course, I can’t wait to get an opportunity to practice the profession I have ‘worked’ so hard for and be a nice senior to my juniors and interns so they won’t experience the same trauma I have long harbored which hindered me from taking a step forward this profession and hopefully prevent yet another dream to be killed.
You don’t have to argue with me if your internship experience was bomb and I sound ridiculous to you… that, I can only envy you.
Hi guys! It’s been really long since I last talked to you. I think I aged just by calculating how long I have been MIA. To top it all, I absolutely honestly seriously don’t know how to do this anymore. I’ve also noticed that I lost some of you already and that’s sad. Anyways, I’m here to give you guys a short (?) update on my life lately and all that jazz.
As you can tell, I’m done with Second Year. The second semester was really— idk how to describe it but it really made me a fumbling mess. My subjects were slightly clinical and gosh, Basic Histology made me nuts. IT WAS SO HARD like I even had 4 as a midterm grade. GUYS THAT’S BELOW 75 WHAT THE HELL!?! Plus I have Biochemistry and Physics. These three subjects literally made me pray for my life. When it was the release of grades, I was really anxious because I feel like me and my grades were on a cliff because THEY WERE SO HARD I’M CRYING!!! I’m not kidding. I think my mother and I bet my friends were annoyed with my continuous blabs about me not passing the damned subjects. I also had Cytogenetics, Basic Pharmacology and Community Public Health. I only had Oral Communication and PE104 as minor subjects. (Well technically, Histo, Pharma and Cyto were also minor subjects in terms of units but THEY. ARE. NOT.)
BUT BY GOD’S WILL, I PASSED EVERY SUBJECT. Seriously, when I went to view my grades, my eyes went straight on searching for 5 and when I see none, I then searched for 3 BUT AGAIN I SEE NONE!!! I WAS LITERALLY AWED BECAUSE I WAS WHOLEHEARTEDLY ONLY ASKING FOR TRES BUT I GOT MORE. I honestly can’t believe how I was able to get those grades like seriously I thought I’d fail these three subjects. Up until now, I still can’t believe I passed Physics and Histology per se.
Then last
June 13, I had my summer slash midyear classes. As you guys all know, I didn’t
enrol last summer because my father was home so it is only this year that I got
to enrol myself in the required summer subjects. I took Sociology and
Philosophy of Man. It was really overwhelming because these two subjects are
the remaining minor subjects I had and I was like savouring everyday thinking
it would be the last aka the calm before the storm. The midyear classes ended last July 19 and
I actually went home in Bicol but I went back here again in QC last July 26
because I had to take our Battery Exam. Then, last July 28, we had our
Laboratory Exam. Is it bad that I felt so relieved because Sir Anthony wasn’t
the one who did Phlebotomy at me? Idk but there are students who keep on saying
their arm hurt so badly and a whole bunch of violent reactions. It scared me
because as you guys know (or not), I am scared of needles like I always pass
out whenever I get in touch with it. Lol I know it’s weird for a Medical
Technology student but when I donated blood, that’s only when I knew that a phobia certainly exists because the people from Philippine Red Cross told me so after having to
pass out twice after I donated
blood. I also had a few experiences years ago and I thought it was only because
of lack of sleep and hunger. Anyways, I brought a juice during the lab exam (as
per advice of the Red Cross people back when I had my “passing out” sesh during
the blood donation). I was drinking it before, during and after I had to sit
for the blood extraction. It was cool because it actually worked. I didn’t feel
nauseous at all.
Sooooo guys, in just few days, I’M FINALLY A THIRD YEAR STUDENT. As you guys know, I am supposedly graduating this school year if it wasn’t because of me transferring schools. Anyway, I have yet to take my Medical Examination on August 1 and the Values Seminar Workshop. I’m actually stoked and nervous at the same time because it’s already the MedTech proper and there’s no “minor subject” anymore. The price of the textbooks makes me cringe because they were all so pricey and I feel really guilty because I am going to eat a lot of my parents’ money this school year.
On a lighter note, I moved in to another dorm last April because I got fed up with my old dorm. It was so noisy in there that I had to wait for mid-night before I study because that’s only the time when everyone shuts up and it’s really discommoding for me because there’s a lot of time that’s being wasted. I also chose this dorm because it’s more quiet and serene and it’s a lot more spacious than my old room that I was able to create a little study nook. Plus there’s no Wi-Fi. I specifically like it because I chose to avoid myself from distractions because you know, when there’s internet, there’s YouTube and when’re there’s YouTube then there’s no sleep lol hash tag obsessed. I also wanted to tell you my developing obsession with medical dramas. I am so in love with House MD. I am already on the third season and it was so lit! Gregory House is a total goals. It was suggested by our Anatomy and Physiology prof during first semester and she told us she used to watch it while reviewing for the Physician Licensure Examination way back on her time. Also, Dra. Polido, my Cytogenetics professor last semester, kept on mentioning House during class discussions and imagine my delight. I was so giddy when I continued watching it after the second semester because EVERYTHING MAKES PERFECT SENSE. Thanks to histology, cytogen and pharma I can understand them… medically lol. I’m also watching I Heart You Doc and Doctors. Yep, both are Korean Dramas and they were sooooo good!!! I’d like to give special emphasis on Doctors. Yay, Park Shin Hye is bae. But I Heart You, on the other hand was underrated but it was actually very comprehensive like for me it’s a Korean version of House MD.
I also had my hair cut… yep not a trim but a cut after several years. As you guys know, I haven’t had a proper haircut since I graduated high school and that was on 2013. I decided to cut half of its total length and so far, I like it. It’s not short but is long enough for me to have it up in a ponytail. Did I already tell you that our department has implemented a rule that the girls are required to always have our hair in ponytail?
Also, I think I might be joining the #studyblr. I’ve been following this community since 2013 and it really looks promising. I’ve thought about this for a long time already and I haven’t tried because I have no courage. I’ve been making my notes in a #studyblr way for a long time and I think there’s no harm in finally engaging in it. My soon-to-be-posts are not the best one could see over the internet but hey, what’s there to lose if I try? lol I also wanted to try sharing my study habits in hopes of helping other students.
That’s pretty much it! I hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Oh, the photo above is my little study nook here in my dorm and I thought I’d share it to you guys. Hope you are all doing great at school as well as in your lives. See you on my next post, bye!
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During the course of my college entrance examination last February 15, out of nowhere, the proctor asked me:
Ipagpapalit mo ba ang katahimikan ng probinsya sa magulo at mausok na Maynila?
I was caught off guard in 5 seconds. Then I answered him with this:
“Kung hindi po ako sigurado sa sarili ko na dito ko makukuha ang "quality education” na hinahanap ko, never kong itatry na malanghap at marinig ang usok at ingay ng Maynila just to sit here at this moment - to take an entrance exam. Another thing is, hindi naman big deal ang usok at ingay sa akin dahil kung papalarin man na makapasa ako dito, andito po ako para mag-aral hindi para tumambay sa EDSA"
He smiled after I uttered those words. I know sarcasm’s dominant in my tone and in my statement, that’s the first thing that entered my mind that time so yeah. I know I’m right. I won’t take risks if I know I wont gain any advantage from it. I know how hard studying in Manila is but quality education’s there and you can’t find it here in Bicol I am just talking about the field of Medical Technology so it’s worth to gamble, I bet. Anyways, I’m the only transferee who took the examination last Saturday and the medtech aspirants examinees were like six peeps plus me. Aahh I wonder what’s the range of my ratings. Is it superior? Hahahaha juzzkidding.
After almost four months of hiatus, still … I can see myself standing uncertainly between the devil and the deep blue sea. Blank mindlessly waiting … waiting for a firm decision to drop serendipitously like the dropping of an apple in Newton’s time.
Until now, I still don’t know what course to pursue. To continue medical technology, shift to pharmacy or to turn a blind eye for medicine and embrace the field of journalism. This is really hard for me to choose. Both of them had my heart. I can’t choose. I don’t know how to choose.
I want to be a doctor … my ambition, my dream without a doubt. My family’s in sync with me in my pursuit of medicine. I know it’s not easy but I know I can, I will because I want. But on the other hand, I want to take journalism too. Perhaps as a result of being Editor-in-Chief during my high school years and as I grew, I am cognizant in what journalism is because mom’s a journalism coach, a bit influenced? I can feel that I can excel there I mean I have a few experience in that field and there’s a journalism urge in me maybe that’s why. And I do like writing, not prose but news and editorial and yeah. I know I suck in writing but I know too well that I’ll be better if I’ll enter journalism officially.
I believe I posted about this before. That this dilemma is like a battle between wants and cans. Analogous to a battle between beautiful and pretty, slim and fit, white and bleached. I want to be a doctor but I want to become a journalist too.
I therefore conclude that the career guidance and career assessment seminars I attended last year’s a total crap. It didn’t helped me to choose career serenely.
Searching for the facebook and twitter accounts of those names printed in the list of medical technology entrance examination passer in tua at this moment hihihi. I’m just curious ‘bout how they look bc these faces will be the faces that I’ll be seeing next semester. And maybe I can befriend them as early as today haaha waht. Oh shoot! Wait … why am I doing this? There’s no guarantee yet that I’ll start as a freshman again and there’s no surety thus far that I’ll study there bc hello I am not taking entrance exam yet so why bother? But … I just can’t hide my excitement. I’m just curious and and and okay okay you win *sigh*
I saw a photoset that was posted on facebook by my former blockmate - of them in a fast-food chain busy … copying their friend’s answers in a sheet of paper. Four words: what the actual fuck!
When will they learn how to stand on their on feet? I know this thing is so normal in most of the students nowadays but what’s the sense of going to school everyday? Another thing is that we have this group on facebook - of our block and my other blockmates were posting questions there about the homeworks, quizzes, what to read, same old same old, for that same day like r u guys present in our class? I was really annoyed … seriously. That’s why I turned off the notif button in that group way way back when I belong to that block because everything that has been posted there were exasperating, to curse it, damn it!
For almost 2 months, I really am heartbroken because of the fact that SLU doesn’t accepts transferees in my program and nalaman ko lang yun kung kailan pa na both parents ko na yung nagpayag na dun na ako magschool … that I thought pwede na pero yun pala, there’s no way for me to have a chance and be called a “louisian” anymore.
Until now, I haven’t moved on yet. ‘twas my dream university. Others might have UST as their dream university but for me, it’s SLU. Idk, it looks perf really … in my eyes and you know, I am really crestfallen because I wasn’t able to be part of the SLU family.
Flashback …
At first, my parents didn’t allow me to enroll there because it’s quite distant but we three admit, it’s far and away the best. I’m from Bicol so obviously, I am miles and miles away from it. So yeah, they decided to enroll me in a school here in Bicol who’s offering the same program I want although it’s a-2 hour drive away from my hometown and there, I became an Isabelina for a semester. Yup, you read it right, I became. Hindi ako tumagal dun because I don’t like to stay. I would never like to stay there. I did everything. Nagrebelde ako. Hindi ako nag-aral, but I never get wasted or whatever I just pulled my grades down to the point na they will notice that I really don’t like to be there. They know me too well that’s why they conformed with what I want. They allowed me to transfer to wherever I want. I know, nasayang yung pera namin ng isang semester and seriously 'twas no joke. Whenever my mom scolds me, she always bring up the sum of the money I atrophied. Well yeah, my conscience frets me coz 100k + isn’t that easy to find and I know where not that rich hahahaha I mean we’re not rich either but I am concerned with them too kasi mas sayang yung pera nila if I’ll stay there longer and di naman ako nag-aaral right.
I didn’t went to school this semester because I don’t feel like going now. I believe I explained everything in this post x plus late din nagrelease ng grades yung USI so walang pag-asa. And dahil sa pagiging tambay ko, official member na din ako ng vampire’s club hahaha meron ba nun. Tsaka di pa talaga ako ready mag-college eh, di ko pa kaya mag-adjust hayyyy nabigla ata ako nung biglaang pagiging independent ko lol childish forevs. I was actually cringing in horror nung afternoon na iiwan na ako nila mama sa Naga kasi uuwi na sila dito sa Cam Norte and it’s my first time to be alone literally alone.
So tomorrow I mean later, I’ll get my college transcript na to my friend sa highschool alma mater ko. Actually last month ko pa yun nakuha and iniwan ko lang sa kanya then it came to the point na hindi ko nakukuha so yeah. I’m going to our registrar too (I hope andun pa si Mam K so that the process will be as easy as 2x + y lol) kung pwedeng kumuha ulit ng Form 137 and sa HS Secretary naman, yung form 138. It would be hard for me if magiging irregular ako next sem so yeah gusto ko talaga umulit ng first year plus yung grades kong mabababa, I won’t let that ruin my record. Sabi naman nila, pwede daw yun so why don’t I give a shot.
The bottomline …
What if makakuha nga ako ng bagong forms 137 and 138 in hs, is it possible na maaachieve ko na rin yung dream ko na maging isang “louisian”? Is it possible that finally, magiging product ako ng dream university ko ever since?
Still, I am not bringing my hopes up. Ayoko na masaktan. Saka di ko na sure kung papayagan pa ako dun kasi nga andami ng humarang. Hayyy life. I hope time will settle this so that I’ll be as pleased as punch … not for today but until for future …
Ewan ko, naiiyak pa din talaga ako sa tuwing naaalala kita. Letse kasi, bat hindi kayo tumatanggap ng transferee? Magaling naman ako eh. May talino rin naman ako eh, pero bakit? huhuhu. Excited pa naman ako nang malaman nung parehas ng payag si Mama at Papi na mag-aral ako sayo tapos malalaman kong hindi mo pala ako tatanggapin. Hindi ko talaga mapigilan maiyak. Pangarap kasi talaga kita :( Bakit hindi mo man lang ako binigyan ng chance? Okay lang naman sakin kahit ilang tests pa ang ibigay mo sakin pero bakit? T_T sorry for being emotional but I can’t help it. Hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa rin alam kung saan na ba ako mag-aaral. Sayo na kasi ako nagfocus. Yung mayroon na nga akong bahay tapos nakaplano na yung pagpunta namin dyan tapos booom. Sana pala tumawag muna kami :( Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko …
Mahirap pala talagang umaasa kapag wala pang kasiguraduhan.
During lunch break last Sunday when we’re practicing for cheer dance @ Avenue Square, Naga City ♡