Not to be whiny but it just saddens me whenever I see posts from Batch 2019 wherein they were being hyped up by the Dean as they review for the board exam. I know I should move on but I juuuuust can’t help but feel… jealous?

How does that feel?

How does it feel like not being looked down upon?

How does it feel like not being constantly reminded how lacking you are and doubt yourself if you are capable of taking the September boards every minute?

I can never forget the struggle and pain my batch (or I alone… but I doubt it’s just me) had to go through emotionally when it was us, reviewing last year. I mean who would forget that time when we were yelled at (and embarrassed) by her whilst those students who were reviewing for PAMET-PASMETH Quiz Show sat in our review classes? I remember her telling them to “"tell your batch mates to review harder as early as this day so as to not end up like this batch during board review”“. I can clearly remember when she told us how our batch is "just an average batch” so we had to triple our efforts. How many times we were reminded how excellent previous batches were compared to us? I lost count. Earlier during the review, she was so ecstatic claiming a Top 1 Performing School but during the latter months… she just “hoped and prayed for the best”. That’s how they just lost faith in our batch. We also received news from friends from other review centers how the Dean told everyone that no one would take the boards from TUA. Not sure how true though. When the results came out, they thought it was just “a strategy” to surprise everyone. Little did they know, she just doesn’t want anyone to expect so high from us and be disappointed in the end. Last but not the least, I will never forget that time when our Academic Head talked to us and cried, almost begging, just so some of us wouldn’t take the board exam because they don’t trust as fully.

But of course, maybe we were just really slow and average. Numbers don’t lie right? But I had to defend, we never lacked effort. We did the best we can do individually.

Taking into account the three important things the college was coincidentally facing when we took the boards. We had to garner 100% to:

1) Maintain the Level III PAASCU Accreditation.

2) Maintain the Masters in Medical Technology in TUA.

3) Maintain the International Clinical Internship Program.

Apparently, these are more important than our batch’s self-esteem and mental health… but that’s okay, it’s in the past already anyway meow. Everyone passed and we were blessed to be able to bag a Top 1 Performing School recognition… and they were suddenly proud ha ha (okay I know I know who wouldn’t?) but the emotional scars we got just to reach that??? it won’t go away. Very dramatic but it really won’t… at least for me.

They said we needed that much pressure for us to strive harder. “Pressure makes diamonds”, they said. Ha, look at me! Do I look like a diamond? I actually became a mess after I passed the boards and got my license. I suddenly didn’t know what to do with my life looool

Reviewing for boards while living alone? It’s no joke! I had no one to talk to. Remember the nights I had to cry and ask myself if I am worthy to take September boards, self? I literally almost didn’t because of the immense pressure I felt! There came a point where I already told my mother I’m not taking the boards and was ready to go back to Bicol had people from Student Affairs Center did not talk me out of it.

Nonetheless, my alma mater did not lack in honing our skills and further our theoretical strengths… they even went to greater extents just to ensure we know everything… to the point that it’s taking toll in our mental health. That’s what they lacked, is all I can say.

I’m not sure where this post is going. This is just me pouring what I feel.. in raw and at the spur of the moment. Probs like my version of “felt cute, might delete later”; mine would be “felt mad, might delete later”. I don’t know if I’m making any sense, I’m probably exaggerating and plainly whining but I really felt the need to vent. You wont probably understand anyway if you didn’t experience it yourself.

Anywayyyy, I’m hoping for the best to Batch 2019! Wouldn’t say anything that would pressure anyone because I know first hand, it won’t help but I hope and am praying y'all finish strong! Never let external voices get into you. Always remember that you are taking the boards for yourself… not for anyone or for anything. Everything else is just an incentive!

PS: we only had an In-House Review.