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I just learned last week that both CHED and DOH wont be offering scholarships for medicine anymore to “make way” for the Doktor Para sa Bayan Act.
Guess I just blew my only chance to pursue med?
I wish I just followed my initial plan and didn’t get too emotional? I was so determined to pursue med this 2021, I enrolled in a review center and was so ready to take the March exam but I backed out and changed my plans. As if it wasn’t enough, I even had the audacity to take 5 units of Molecular Biology and Diagnostics.
A little backstory and another episode of “me making everything about me”, my father got into an accident last December which made him disabled (and impossible to go back abroad to support my studies.) It was Sunday and I was having my review class back then when it happened. I was usually locked up in my room to avoid distractions when I overheard noises outside and learned that there was someone who got into an accident few blocks away from our home and they said it was probably my father. Everything happened so fast! My mother told me and my sister to check if it was Papa. My sister got there first and when I saw her come back crying, I immediately ran back to our house, changed clothes and went to the hospital.
I was so busy with my review, I didn’t notice my phone was being blown with calls and messages from my boss and workmates. They knew my father got in an accident before me! Luckily, he was able to tell everyone in the ER I’m an employee that’s why he was given prompt attention.
I have never told anyone about this enough but it was a bit traumatizing for me. To be honest, literally few days before that day, when I was crossmatching and heard an ambulance, I had this random thought na “what if a relative of mine is in need of blood? ako talaga magc-crossmatch kahit na off duty ako” — it didn’t happen. I didn’t know what to do. I almost passed out when I saw the oozing blood out of my father’s leg. I had to get out of the ER to breathe but I had to compose myself because I’m the one who knows the process in our hospital and had to get things done as soon as possible. My father had a “direct OR”.
We were lucky because I am working in the Blood Bank and extra lucky because we have stocks at the time! We were able to release five units in a jiffy and it was tagged under his name until we were discharged. The nurses kept telling me we were lucky because there were blood units back then because my father lost lots of blood and probs wont make it if there’s none. If I remember correctly, three units were transfused while he’s in the OR.
From then, I wasn’t able to absorb whatever is being taught in the lectures. I just finished the review class for the sake of finishing it. Even now, just the thought of reviewing again takes me back to that day. The accident made what I was only fearing for before happen and instilled a whole new level of fear to me.
“What if the same thing or worse happens if I’m away?” We were fine because I am working in a hospital but it would be different if I am no longer working. This and my previous thoughts made me decide not to push through studying this 2021. I also thought diverting my attention to other career path is better. I took up Molecular Biology to satisfy my long overdue desire for it ever since college. But it didn’t last. I really want to be a doctor!
What if I didn’t let my emotions get through me and still pushed through my plan? What if instead of letting the fears and doubts consume me, I should’ve used it as my inspiration to get in to medschool?
What if I knew of these scholarships earlier and didn’t have to waste years waiting for validation of “my calling”? I should’ve been either in second or third year now had I not been this indecisive. Few years left and I was supposed to be done yet I’m still stuck in my what ifs and doubts.
On a lighter note, I wish I was born with another dream. I wish I was good at other things that didn’t have to be stuck here, frustrated because I may no longer fulfill my childhood dream.
Most importantly, I wish medical education is affordable or at least just as worth the salary we are getting after.
Medicine is for those with money and those with brains. There’s no place for people like me who’s in the middle and can barely maintain the average.
It’s past 24 hours when I saw this on Facebook and no one has reached out nor confirmed if this is the same patient I extracted blood from for transfusion last January 08. Even my direct supervisor hasn’t replied to me yet to confirm if this was my patient. It’s just all the details posted here matched the details of my patient.
This has been bugging me since the moment I did the phlebotomy, while processing his blood and after. Iniisip ko kung ano gagawin ko if magpositive ‘to. I can’t believe nagpositive nga!!! Now that it happened, I don’t know what to do.
To say I’m scared is an understatement. Results only came out on the 14th but the specimen was collected on January 8. What if he was already highly infective at that time? Considering the onset of illness was January 6???
I wore PPE, a combination of surgical mask + N95 and a faceshield. Was it enough to protect me???
Except the fact that there is a wooden divider from the regular ward, the patient’s room was nowhere near from being isolated because the window was wide-open (I can see the road en route to Cathedral). Were the nearby residents aware that a COVID Ward is in front of their very own residences? The virus must have already fled and mixed with the wind already since the patient wasn’t wearing a mask due to oxygen (at the time of my extraction). The relative was also just wearing a cloth mask by the way and my workmate said the relative was walking freely inside the hospital.
I always do proper handwashing. Is this enough to protect me?
Yesterday, I felt something in my throat. I can’t account it because my throat is normally dry. Today, as of writing, my head is throbbing like it’s being cracked open. I remember seeing a post before that it was also a symptom. When I told my mom, she said it’s probably just psychological… which I pray it’s just it.
Tik… tok…
Bakit wala pa rin nagre-reach out? Nasaan ang contact tracing? Maghihintay pa ba ako ng ibang symptoms?
The hospital is nowhere near from being equipped and ready to handle COVID19 cases yet you all pushed for it.
If I am positive… This is all on you, CNPH.
Edit: My boss confirmed it’s the same patient.
08-23-2020
I don’t even know how to start this but I know for sure I want to write about you.
We were so busy today coz it’s my sister’s birthday that we failed to have our last glance with our aspin, Pil.
Yesterday, mama said he has been spitting blood and I was from work so I was sleeping the whole day that’s why I wasn’t able to check on him. It’s only this morning that I saw him and he changed that fast. He was so thin and was even struggling to walk. He didn’t even finish the food I gave him. He kept on putting his nose by the door of our dirty kitchen and I thought he wanted to get in so I opened it. He went straight near the basin laid in there and stayed there for so long I thought he wanted to take a bath. I even splashed him water, how cruel of me. I mistook his will to say bye-bye as a simple need to freshen up. I closed the dirty kitchen again but when I looked at the window, he was there again, sticking his nose at the door. I let him in again and sat near him. HE NEVER ALLOWED ME TO PET HIM BUT TODAY HE DID! I can’t believe it’s my first and last!!! That’s the last I saw him coz I got busy as well preparing for my sister’s birthday.
I knew in my mind he’s probably not gonna last coz breathing seemed difficult for him already. I know his eyes were like trying to steer a conversation but I evaded it coz I don’t wanna believe he’s going away. He was hesitant to leave the dirty kitchen but I had to let him out coz I have stuff to do. HE KEPT ON LOOKING AT THE DOOR! But I refused to acknowledge his plea for my own peace, not wanting to be hurt for his demise. I kept on telling my parents “pagod na ata si Pil”. I talked to him but I didn’t say bye literally. I just asked “pagod ka na?” and gave him rubs. I said good bye right? Was it enough? But I wasn’t able to thank him. Did he know we value him?
Around 4pm, our neighboor went in our house to ask if the dead dog at their yard was ours. Then it hit me, it could be Pil. My sister and I rushed there to see if it was really him. It’s him. I can’t believe he went so far to rest. He could’ve just stayed here in his house. It pains me how our neighbor said they heard dog cries. He was there alone. I wish we were by his side during his last breath but we were busy… being human.
I’m sorry, Pil!
I wasn’t here when he was born. I’m not sure if it was on 2014 or 2015 but he was my grandma’s. Lahat ng asong nauwian kong alaga ng nanay, wala na. They all went with her, noh? He was there to guard my sister whenever she has to practice/train at my mom’s school. She trains for the whole day, he was there the entire time. He also accompanies my niece when she buys sa tindahan.
He probably felt jealous of our other two half-aspin coz they are spoiled and he wasn’t. Pil contracted a skin disease from his wandering in the neighborhood and he also never let anyone touch him that’s why we couldn’t let him in our house. But what we give to the two, we also gave him.
I can’t forget his eyes. Should’ve talked to you longer.
Thank you so much for guarding us, Pil! I will miss you blocking the driveway; I’ll miss looking at your fading figure in my rearview mirror when I go to work and will totally miss you sitting by the gate every morning whenever I am from night duty as if you’re waiting for me and the Malunggay pandesal I have with me.
Pil is short for Pilantod. That’s what my grandma named him because he was hit by a vehicle before which made him “pilantod”.
Di ko alam? Di pa ata enough na nag-vent na ako sa closest friends ko as well as my relatives. I needed to let all the feels out and I needed more catharsis. I thought baka sawa na sila that’s why I’m here… writing. Idk what for. Maybe to document my side and to remind myself, it wasn’t you.
I knew the moment I signed the deed of sale, my life on the road will always be on the line. ‘Di ko lang inexpect na mararanasan ko talaga siya especially I am very mabagal and follows traffic rules diligently sa takot na maaksidente.
Only went out to go to the grocery, ayun nalipasan pa tuloy ako ng gutom cHAROT ¼
Until now, nanginginig pa rin kamay ko? Grabe.
Story time
Bago pa ako makarating sa centro, may jeep na akong nakasalubong na nag-oovertake at inaagaw na lane ko. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, “wow ako pa mag-aadjust” kasi ako na gumilid sa lane ko hahahahaha joked to one of my friends na intro lang pala yung jeep, maaaksidente pala talaga ako today. 😅
Ang bilis ng pangyayari. Alam ko lang I was decelerating kasi 3 nalang until the green light turns to yellow then red when I was approaching the area. It’s my rule to stop as early as 5 sa countdown (wow) to avoid nga unexpected… stuff. It just so happened na nagkaabot kami coz he did an illegal U-turn.
I didn’t know what to do. I was internally panicking! Gladly, three tricycles away from me andoon yung uncle ko na tricycle driver. If not, I wouldn’t know what to do. Baka inako ko din yung accident? Also thankful for the bystanders who kept on telling me na it’s not my fault and taught me what to do like taking pictures of the scene in all angles possible. Also to those who defended us sa righteous vehicle owners who keep on asking na alisin na daw coz nakaharang sa daan and said it needs to be documented by the police as it is.
The HPG came and brought us sa station. Shet, my first time. They asked for our licenses as well as the OR/CR. We went to the hospital (I work at yikes) for the medical. I was lowkey embarassed coz I felt like I did something wrong coz I was riding the mobile 😅. Everyone I know who saw me kept on asking what happened and kung may duty daw ba ako. This happened around 11am and I was supposedly on duty by 3pm but I told my boss I couldn’t make it kasi di ko alam kung gaano katagal ang process. Thanks to my fats who served as cushion, I didn’t get grave injuries. I only??? hurt my left leg na siyang tumama sa side car ng tricycle which is also why I can’t go to work coz the doctor told me I shouldn’t walk my foot much which is not possible kasi as a medtech, I do wardings so I can’t NOT move my feet. Anyways, we went back to the station and proceeded with the blotter.
We agreed na he’s only gonna pay for the damages. I waived the medical part coz para sakin, yun nalang tulong ko and I can just have it shouldered either by my employer or myself. Nobody wanted this to happen naman so ayon. I also thought baka I was at fault din kasi di ko siya nakita. Tsaka it’s only recently when tricycles started operating so I tried to consider as I really didn’t want to burden him more during these trying times. But when we went out of the station, he was talking with someone sa phone and I overheard him saying ako daw nakabangga sakanya which is totally the opposite!!! I was mad! I went easy to him only to be painted as the offender? I was close to letting him go kasi my motorcycle has insurance naman and ayoko na makadagdag pero I got annoyed when I heard it. His tone was very condescending like pinapamukha pa nya sa kausap nya na siya dehado?! He was unapologetic at all! He was “okay po” when we were in the station but when we went out, he kept on insisting I was the wrong one! That’s why I went through with what the police and my relatives insist na he pay right there and then.
Di ko lang matanggap his defense na I was speeding. I got (lowkey) insulted just recently when my highschool friend told me ang bagal ko daw magpatakbo because 40 lang… I only drive ng 30 especially in key roads kaya ano pinagsasabi niya. Also I don’t beat the red light. 🥴
He also said he didn’t know you should U-turn few more meters away from the No U-turn sign. He said doon daw talaga ang U-turn right after a No U-turn sign… I asked him if he knew how to read the lines sa road and he doesn’t know. The heck? To think he’s a Professional Driver license holder and I’m just… Non-Pro??? Scary.
I felt lowkey bad coz I have two cops na relative who assisted me. Baka he felt like I have the “upperhand”. Baka isa pa yun sa rason niya when he cover himself up if magkwento siya sa iba. Pero I’m thankful because I really didn’t know what to do. Everyone who can go literally went to assist me. 👉👈 You’ll never read this pero thank you, Papa, Uncle Bon and Tiyo Polong. The two HPG who responded. Thank you, Ms. Neil Vila for sending me voice chats about everything I needed to know about the insurance. Jaymar and Ryan for listening to my rants. My workmates and my supposedly partner on tonight’s 16hrs duty who asked about my condition and understood. My boss who told me to go to work nalang anytime I felt like going. Lastly, to my mother’s friends who helped kahit na wala sila sa scene contacting numerous people pati na rin ang Municipal Administrator who got worried daw. Wow, I feel relevant.
Sorry Perrie, my motorcycle, nabinyagan ka tuloy. First birthday mo pa naman nung 10. I’m sorry!
You’ll never know talaga. Super amazed to those whose job is to be on the road for hours on a daily.
It’s not enough pala talaga na nag-iingat ka 'coz if barumbado kasama mo sa daan, wala rin.
Friendly reminder to always be alert!
People seem to keep on asking if I still want to pursue medicine.
To be honest, I want to. But I don’t want my parents to pay for my studies anymore. Working myself made me realize earning money is no joke. We are not as well off as my parents try to provide us. Until now, I can’t believe how they were able to send me to school— not just any school but a private and one of the top medical technology schools in the country. (Yes, free promo) I’m so thankful to have been given the chance to experience studying without thinking of anything but acads.
Also, I have a younger sibling and a niece. I feel like I’m robbing them opportunities if I ever insist on having my parents make my dreams come true. All our money will be spent on me again. I don’t want that.
Parang ayoko na ulit mag-isa. That’s one of the reasons I always tell people. It’s true though. I can’t believe I was able to live alone for five years (MTLE review included). Being back here in our province makes it hard for me to even think of being away again for several years just to study. I just got back, imagine the days and moments I could’ve spent with my family if I’ll be away again… the thought alone makes me sad. With the recent events, I’m even more convinced to just stay. At least if I were to die, I’m with my family.
Can I handle all the info? Kaya ba ng megabyte brain ko ang terabyte info ng medskul? I’m scared I’d lose hope in the middle of being in it. This was what I realized when I reached the clinical year during undergrad years. The clinical subjects in medical technology were enough to overwhelm me, how much more sa medicine?
Lastly,
It’s hard being average. Too average to pass a scholarship with entry quota grades to maintain and too average earner to afford a regular medical school.
Must be nice to reach for your dreams without any problems, noh?
Anyways, if we’re lucky enough to survive this pandemic, I hope I get to chance upon an opportunity to realize this seemingly-impossible dream. #Hwaiting!
Dear future self,,,
That’s probably one of the Tumblr mainstream from years ago that I lowkey regret not doing.
Five years from now, I hope you finally achieve what you’re dreaming of.
I remember reading posts from other people with such hopeful words from their then present selves for their future selves.
Do you enjoy what you have now? Imagine, you were just dreaming of it years ago and now you’re here.
I probably might have written something that goes along those lines.
Must have been nice to read a letter from your younger self. I wonder what would I have written if I jumped into the mainstream? With my obnoxious big words to assert my then “lexical prowess”, I’m hundred percent sure I’m having a cringe fest right now.
On the contrary, it feels scary to be hit with the reality of how much your hopes for the future differ from the future. But I also wonder how it must have been to be able to differentiate your past, present and future point-of-views.
I never thought I’d regret something so trivial.
And because of that, I’m here writing for my future self.
DEAR FUTURE SELF,
I’m not sure what year you’ll be reading this but I hope that five years from now, you are different from what you are at present. I hope you’re finally able to find your purpose in life. I hope you’re able to get past all your inhibitions from doing better.
I hope five years is enough for you to find out what you truly wanted in life. And I hope life and time allowed you to do it.
Most importantly, I hope you finally realize that your existence matters. You were born with a purpose. You are not just a speck of dust.
To be honest, I’m not really sure what I meant by writing this letter. Was it because I wanted to validate your existence or I just wanted to rant about all the shit that’s happening around me and make this letter a proof that I was able to get through all of these if I get the chance to read this years from now? Probably the latter.
Nonetheless, everything we do and everything we own will eventually become artifacts in the future. This could also be one of the things the future could retrieve. I’m writing without a specific point. I’m sure this would sound like a diary entry. A Diary of A Young Healthcare Worker, am I getting copyrighted for that title?
///
You see, if I’ve written something like this five years ago when I was still a hopeful undergraduate dreaming of becoming a medical technologist… I would never imagine my current situation. Being in a pandemic as a fresh and young professional; idk, it feels unfair to me.
Did I really burn the midnight oil to become a sacrificial lamb?
Did I have to go through countless breakdown alone just to helplessly beat an invisible bug without any armor?
Did my parents really spent hundreds of thousands for my education just to become a slave of the health sector?
Was being called a modern day hero after dying because of a poor healthcare system worth it?
Was my life being at stake on a daily worth the struggle?
It took me long to finally own up being a “frontliner”. During the early part of the pandemic, I was never truly able to accept the title. It felt like an insult to those who are really in the front line if I call myself that. I used to joke I was just a “loob-liner” because I was just inside the Blood Bank. Not really a part of a Swab Team nor any COVID19 Response Team unlike some of my batchmates. I was scared. I never had the guts to volunteer. I’m not a frontliner.
I always felt the need to ask validation from my friends. I always ask if it’s okay that I don’t feel like fighting for the country. I always ask if they still accept me even if I turn against my oath.
You see, I feel like working in a government hospital in the province isn’t an ideal start for a budding professional. I was exposed to the crooked healthcare system of the country at an early time. My ideals became just ideals. Everything I expected turned into just expectations. Everything I learned in the four corners of the classroom turned into just theories. Maybe my workmates were right, I should’ve went to work in diagnostic clinics first before working in a hospital.
I was exploited as a starting professional. My four years in Medical Technology school didn’t prepare me for this.
Putting my cowardice aside, I feel like my current situation is the reason why I’m so afraid of fighting for the country. My hopeful undergrad self would have rolled her eyes on me if she’d see me right now. But then again, fighting for the country when the country doesn’t care for you is easier said than done.
I’m currently a job order employee. No hazard pay until the pandemic. No night differential even though we are full on 16 to 24 hours duties. My employer doesn’t pay for my PhilHealth nor SSS. We even have to beg for our employer to give us personal protective equipments. Our salary doesn’t have a fixed date of release. We should be thankful should it be released a week after the month of service. It’s normally delayed as long as three months before the pandemic happened.
I was never bothered by the virus because “I only work in the blood bank” no biggie… not until the hospital I work at became the ground zero in my province. No one told us. We only knew someone who should be classified as “probable” first was admitted in our hospital through social media and it was when the patient was already classified as “confirmed”. The local government likes to conceal confirmed cases. I don’t know what good will it bring to everyone though.
I originally never wanted to practice this profession, self. You know because of my internship trauma as well as my infamous phobia with needles. Just as when I was able to overcome it, this pandemic happened. I have never been so scared to go to work. It doesn’t really show on the outside but I’m really scared. Scared that everything that my parents worked so hard for would be put to waste once I contract the virus at work. Not just that, I might bring it with me at home… putting other people at stake.
It scary how there’s no assurance for my future at the moment. I was just starting!!! I was only working for a year! I was only eight months through with my St. Peter plan. I have yet to get life insurance plans for myself and my family.
I am now questioning myself for choosing my convenience over a better employer. Should I have endured being away from my family for a better employment? Had I known a pandemic would be a battle of who’s the better employer, I would’ve set aside my internship trauma for a better employer. The thought makes me sick though.
It’s scary how I am almost nonchalant about dying. I have reached this point that I don’t bother thinking about my future anymore. This is actually the first time I thought of the future in weeks. It’s scary how I always agonize about how we would die because we will one way or another. It’s only a matter of time until the system kills us before the virus can.
I’m frustrated because I only go to work for the sake of salary. But I also swear, I do things with integrity. That’s the least I can do. Due to the community quarantine, we are quite financially struggling. My mother being a government employee and my father, an overseas filipino worker plus me being a “government worker” as well automatically voided us of any financial help from the government. It’s fine for me because there are people who need it more than us but my blood boils whenever I see news of those being robbed of this help because of local officials’ greed. Do we deserve this?
Pro Deo et Patria.
For God and Country.
I used to use this as my email signature as well as work mantra.
Is it still worth it?
I don’t know who’s the real enemy anymore. The pandemic has exposed how broken our system and government is that we, the minority in government service has been seeing on a daily even before the pandemic made the exposé.
Are we going to get through this?
Am I still going to read this letter few years from now?
I’m tired.
Everyone’s tired.
The world is so crazy right now.
Fighting for life, I was a COVID19 Warrior.
Five years from now,
Was everything worth it, future self? Did I make it?
Did we make it?
I’m actually hesitant but sharing this thing I was contemplating about since yesterday! Since we have a poor contact tracing, I thought of taking an initiative even as baby steps as this to aid should I (or anyone who gets to see this) contracts the virus. I am working in a hospital, the ground zero in my province at that so I felt the need to take extra measures other than disinfecting and this is one of the things I thought of. It’s hard to limit mobility especially if you have tons of errands to do. Also, when you literally have to jump from one store to another to find what you’re trying to buy (like I did yesterday), there’s literally nothing you can do to totally evade a bug that’s invisible to the naked eye!!! So, other than practicing social distancing and aseptic technique/s… why not record your whereabouts!? It’s quite tedious especially if you have to write everything pero the more detailed it is, the better ‘di ba? This may also lessen the spread of “fake news"— since we were able to record our daily whereabouts, we have something to hold on other than "just remembering”. Our memory isn’t as trustworthy as we thought it is… not unless you have hyperthymesia??? so it’s nice if you have “physical evidence”. Remember, one’s history is vital during this time so we should be really critical, if not, then we should at least try. Ang hirap maniwala na sabi lang ng kapitbahay o sabi lang ng kung sino-sino yung mga pinuntahan ng mga confirmed 'di ba? You can actually put your seemingly worthless 2020 planner to use through this? Hahaha skl, I’m lowkey glad I found something to write in my #BuJo other than my hospital duty sched, the dates and thoughts on the dramas I’ve been watching and EXO’s schedule. 😂 Might look like something trivial but it may help us one way or another. What’s there to lose in few minutes of writing? #COVID19 #WeHealAsOne https://www.instagram.com/p/CAumO0jDDY2/?igshid=fndi0e5zrb38
self-confidence, i’m realizing, is a lot deeper than just thinking i’m beautiful and being free in who i am. it also includes being confident in my decisions and trusting myself to be committed to the things i want to do. to step outside of my comfort zone and assure myself that i will be okay in doing so. this kind of self-confidence will help me see the success i want to see.
(via gracielleismx)
Wow, I’m ten months behind in this supposed “drama list” ??? LOL why did I even try? I should just accept the fact that I am no longer capable of maintaining this blog.
Just kidding! Of course… I still have to do this!
Here’s the many dramas I have watched for the past months I’ve been… away… and working (wew! you know, I’m employed *winks*… but can still watch ofc ofc #asiandramaislife)
NOTE: I’m not gonna include the plot anymore because it takes so much characters and effort. Also I don’t have much luxury of time to rephrase each of them (because we don’t tolerate copy-paste here). I mean I only get them from Wiki! Anyway…
FEBRUARY
Let’s Fight Ghost
Rating: ★★★★☆ | Moderate plot
Country: South Korea
Genre: Horror, Mystery, Romantic Comedy
No. of Episodes: 16
Thoughts: Watched this because of my number one bae, Kim So-hyun!!! This has been on my list since time immemorial but only decided to watch it this year and month. This is a breather from my usual high school drama (because I so dig this theme/genre) since it includes some uh, supernatural elements. Over-all, it was wrapped up nicely and the drama is such a good mix of different… flavors, be it horror, mystery, romance and comedy… I must say.
Finished Watching: February 02, 2019
Witch’s Love
Rating: ★★★☆☆
| Light plot
Country: South Korea
No. of Episodes:12
Genre: Romantic Comedy, Fantasy
Thoughts: I LITERALLY WATCHED THIS BECAUSE I SAW A CLIP ON FB AND THOUGHT THE LEAD ROLE GUY WAS CHANYEOL!!! #clown. It’s my first time to see Yoon So-Hee in a lead role. The last I saw her was in the Ruler: Master of the Mask. The drama is cute! I really ship the main actors!!! It’s kind of confusing in the middle but soon, you’ll get a hang of it… or is it just me?
Finished Watching: February 07, 2019.
SKY Castle
Rating: ★★★★★
| Heavy plot
Country: South Korea
No. of Episodes: 20 + special
Genre: Satire, Drama, Black Comedy, Family, School
Thoughts: I HAVE NEVER SEEN A DRAMA THIS HEAVY??? Maybe it’s just me?? Coz this is the first time I shifted from the usual mood and age of the actors I watch??? I’ve only been seeing tweets about this drama during it’s airing that said “it’s a must-watch” and the like so I literally got curious and watched it. I don’t remember how exactly I felt during the earlier parts of the drama but I’m sure I never dropped it/delayed it until I was able to keep up with the weekly release of episodes. It’s a total page-turner if it is compared to a book. I really like how it was able to portray the side of education that most people with not-so-obsessed-with-merit-parents don’t understand; the manipulation, the strict competition and the emotional impact it brings to the family ganoin. I love how each family has their own issue and how it all got twisted together (I’m that obsessed with angst). It could really be just me because it’s my first time but I totes recommend!!!!!!
Finished Watching: February 11, 2019
On Your Wedding Day (Movie)
Rating: ★★
☆☆☆
| Light plot
Country: South Korea
Genre: Melodrama, Romance
Thoughts: Meh. Just kidding! I watched this during one of my night duties together with my workmate. She was actually the one who’s watching, naki-panood lang ako lol the plot really didn’t appeal to me… or because my attention wasn’t on it full time because I remember we stopped for a moment because I had to work hehe anyway, as someone who fancies… tragedies, it’s nice to see a drama which deviates from the usual happy ending of lead roles.
Finished Watching: February 20, 2019
MARCH
Hwayugi
Rating: ★★★★☆ | Moderate Plot
Country: South Korea
No. of Episodes: 20
Genre: Fantasy, Romance, Comedy, Horror
Thoughts: I remember watching this because I was in the mood for a supernatural theme.This has been on my list since its release too but only found the mood to watch this month. It’s the right amount of every genre, I love how it turned out. I watched this alongside four other dramas hahaha la lung, just to put it out there.
I wasn’t able to note what date I exactly finished this though.
Romance is a Bonus Book
Rating: ★★★★☆ | Light plot
Country: South Korea
No. of Episodes: 16
Genre: Comedy, Romance, Life, Drama
Thoughts: Watched this when it’s on-going because it’s my number one oppa and nation’s boyfriend, LJS! I was actually surprised he was paired with a noona but ofc ofc, he was able to carry it. I was kilig the entire time! This is actually very close to my heart; aside from it being the last drama of LJS before enlisting, he was actually a Chief Editor!!! He’s really out there outdoing the man of my dreams by taking all roles/professions I like for my man and myself be it a journalist, a doctor, a lawyer/prosecutor and here, an editor. It’s actually not that deep? It focused on how one found love in the middle of career development and adulting. I really admire Jong Suk’s character here because he’s not the type to shove his feelings to the woman and respected whatever decisions she has.
Finished Watching: March 29, 2019
Cart (Movie)
Rating: ★★★★☆ | Moderate plot
Country: South Korea
Genre: Life, Drama, Family
Thoughts: This was just one of my ‘catching-up-with-EXO-dramas’ moment. Okay, I cried. The plot isn’t perfect but it’s super powerful, it was able to speak volumes. It’s not enough (for a movie) but it was able to talk about the struggle of the working class and was able to show the wicked side of employers and how the upper class together with the media and the government handle situations such as workers’ protest. Just a little eye-opener to those who can’t seem to understand this matter.
Finished Watching: March 29, 2019
JUNE
Criminal Minds
Rating: ★★★★☆ | Moderate plot
Country: South Korea
No. of Episodes: 20
Genre: Action, Mystery, Detective
Thoughts:
I was randomly watching tvN
via SKY Cable (yes free promo)
when I stumbled upon its episode 12. My mom joined me and we got hooked and curious, she asked me to search for the drama so we can watch it from the start. I think this was the first time that I watched an investigative drama. Not sure if Terius Behind Me and Strong Woman Bong Soon count so this was probably a first. Also, based on my little research, there are cases incorporated in the drama that actually happened in real life in Korea. I really love this!
Finished Watching: June 09, 2019
Her Private Life
Rating: ★★★★★
| Light plot
Country: South Korea
No. of Episodes: 16
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Thoughts: I HAVE NEVER RELATED TO A DRAMA SO BAD AS I DID HERE!!! Of course, it’s a fangirl’s story!!! This was a bit anticipated by stan twitter and I’m one of them. Watched this while it’s on-going. Although the fangirl life was put aside in the middle of the plot to give way for the romance, I was glad someone thought of making a drama out of a fangirl’s perspective. I must say, Deok Mi is one hell of a fangirl! I can only dream of being on her level. Of course, that’s understandable because her character is a masternim.
To conclude my thought on this drama in two words: SANA ALL!
Finished Watching: June 10, 2019
Put Your Head On My Shoulders
Rating: ★★★★☆ | Light plot
Country: China
No. of Episodes: 24
Genre: Youth, School, Romance, Comedy
Thoughts: My coming-of-age and high school romance fix! This was one of the many “Facebook made me watch this” because again, I saw a clip of this drama on FB and got curious so I watched it! Haha I seriously can make a list of this sort though. I was lucky to be able to catch it while it’s on-going hahaha so much for #TeamOnGoing. It’s cute, tamang kilig ba.
Finished Watching: June 21, 2019
It’s not a lot because I only watch whenever I’m off duty, whenever I get off from work or whenever I can squeeze it during work hours while waiting for blood work he he he
Some people ask how I manage watching this lot.
Answer: just watch a lot.
The past months, I realize I’ve been watching a minimum of five dramas at the same time. Since most of the dramas I watch are all on-going, it’s not that hard to watch all of them. I watch either which ever drama updates first or what I feel watching first. Actually, each drama has their own schedules naman… one drama I watch either updates on Wed/Thu, another Thu/Fri then one on Fri/Sat and so on kaya it’s really not that hard. It’s also the reason why I get to watch completed dramas because each episodes only run for maximum of 1 hour and 30 minutes so let’s say, 4 on-going dramas with 2 episode-updates wont really take a day for me to finish. Remember, we have seven days in a week! So while waiting for the on-going dramas to update, that’s when I watch the completed ones. I only mentally schedule my on-going and completed dramas so I can watch them all equally and just in time when I can still retain what happened on the last episode I left off. Pero there are also times when I like the completed drama so much, I finish it in two days. I stopped finishing dramas in 24hrs because I have commitment issues, ayoko yung iniiwan ako agad cHAROT HAHAHA ANUDAW
Anyway, ayun lang naman! Let’s see each other again for the other half of this year’s Drama List!
Not to be whiny but it just saddens me whenever I see posts from Batch 2019 wherein they were being hyped up by the Dean as they review for the board exam. I know I should move on but I juuuuust can’t help but feel… jealous?
How does that feel?
How does it feel like not being looked down upon?
How does it feel like not being constantly reminded how lacking you are and doubt yourself if you are capable of taking the September boards every minute?
I can never forget the struggle and pain my batch (or I alone… but I doubt it’s just me) had to go through emotionally when it was us, reviewing last year. I mean who would forget that time when we were yelled at (and embarrassed) by her whilst those students who were reviewing for PAMET-PASMETH Quiz Show sat in our review classes? I remember her telling them to “"tell your batch mates to review harder as early as this day so as to not end up like this batch during board review”“. I can clearly remember when she told us how our batch is "just an average batch” so we had to triple our efforts. How many times we were reminded how excellent previous batches were compared to us? I lost count. Earlier during the review, she was so ecstatic claiming a Top 1 Performing School but during the latter months… she just “hoped and prayed for the best”. That’s how they just lost faith in our batch. We also received news from friends from other review centers how the Dean told everyone that no one would take the boards from TUA. Not sure how true though. When the results came out, they thought it was just “a strategy” to surprise everyone. Little did they know, she just doesn’t want anyone to expect so high from us and be disappointed in the end. Last but not the least, I will never forget that time when our Academic Head talked to us and cried, almost begging, just so some of us wouldn’t take the board exam because they don’t trust as fully.
But of course, maybe we were just really slow and average. Numbers don’t lie right? But I had to defend, we never lacked effort. We did the best we can do individually.
Taking into account the three important things the college was coincidentally facing when we took the boards. We had to garner 100% to:
1) Maintain the Level III PAASCU Accreditation.
2) Maintain the Masters in Medical Technology in TUA.
3) Maintain the International Clinical Internship Program.
Apparently, these are more important than our batch’s self-esteem and mental health… but that’s okay, it’s in the past already anyway meow. Everyone passed and we were blessed to be able to bag a Top 1 Performing School recognition… and they were suddenly proud ha ha (okay I know I know who wouldn’t?) but the emotional scars we got just to reach that??? it won’t go away. Very dramatic but it really won’t… at least for me.
They said we needed that much pressure for us to strive harder. “Pressure makes diamonds”, they said. Ha, look at me! Do I look like a diamond? I actually became a mess after I passed the boards and got my license. I suddenly didn’t know what to do with my life looool
Reviewing for boards while living alone? It’s no joke! I had no one to talk to. Remember the nights I had to cry and ask myself if I am worthy to take September boards, self? I literally almost didn’t because of the immense pressure I felt! There came a point where I already told my mother I’m not taking the boards and was ready to go back to Bicol had people from Student Affairs Center did not talk me out of it.
Nonetheless, my alma mater did not lack in honing our skills and further our theoretical strengths… they even went to greater extents just to ensure we know everything… to the point that it’s taking toll in our mental health. That’s what they lacked, is all I can say.
I’m not sure where this post is going. This is just me pouring what I feel.. in raw and at the spur of the moment. Probs like my version of “felt cute, might delete later”; mine would be “felt mad, might delete later”. I don’t know if I’m making any sense, I’m probably exaggerating and plainly whining but I really felt the need to vent. You wont probably understand anyway if you didn’t experience it yourself.
Anywayyyy, I’m hoping for the best to Batch 2019! Wouldn’t say anything that would pressure anyone because I know first hand, it won’t help but I hope and am praying y'all finish strong! Never let external voices get into you. Always remember that you are taking the boards for yourself… not for anyone or for anything. Everything else is just an incentive!
PS: we only had an In-House Review.
please make sure that wherever you’re at in life, you don’t treat it like a transitory period. don’t waste your college years wishing to already be graduated & have a job. don’t waste your single years wishing for someone to be in love with. if/when those things come, they will come in due time and they will be good. but there is nothing like looking back and feeling empty because you wasted literal years ignoring what you had because you were hoping for something better. while it’s important to better yourself and reach for your goals, don’t neglect the present because that’s where you are now and it’s your now that determines your future.
(via jemmeetsworld)
My boyfriend didn’t go to university until he was 28 because he didn’t feel anywhere near ready when he was 18. He graduated with first-class honours, went on to do a Masters, and is now a history teacher. It’s so much more important to do things when you’re able to fully commit to them and do them to the best of your ability than to rush to do them by an imaginary deadline.
this is very comforting
Wait ‘til I am ready for you, Medicine! I am yet too weak for you!
(via pakyukayonglahat)
Yesterday, while I was wrapping up the cross matching I was doing, my senior told me there’s a “PCV patient”. Couldn’t hear it clearly at first so I just shrugged it, thinking he was just telling it just because. Then he asked me if I wanted to bleed the patient; turns out it was the P C V as in Polycythemia Vera, a low-growing blood cancer in which your bone marrow makes too many red blood cells (© Mayo Clinic) and it was her schedule for Therapeutic Phlebotomy.
Had to check her CBC result and it really matches the theoretical criteria of the disease. Her blood was indeed thick!!! Yikes, I miss Hematology.
Okay, I had to post it!!! Can’t believe I was only reading/ hearing from my clinical instructors/ imagining this case two years ago and now, I just encountered it irl!!! Again, every day is a new learning experience!